A reader with some experiencing trawling Craigslist for horny men sent some additional advice to Mrs. Robinson Seeks Benjamin, the nice married lady looking for a horny college-age guy in this week's column, and CC'd me. It's good advice—for the most part—so I'm passing it along for other Mrs. Robinson Wannabes out there...
I'm not applying for the Benjamin position, but as a couple who have had five years of experience posting ads on Craigslist, my wife and I wanted to offer you some advice. We post regularly looking for (mostly) men. My wife is young (35) and drop-dead gorgeous, and we enjoy sex with others a lot.
I jokingly wrote the attached a few years back, nominally as a guide to guys looking to get laid on CL, but more as an excuse to quote some of the worst responses we've ever received (they're all absolutely genuine and unedited). As a woman who's about to be on the receiving end of a deluge from Craigslist men, you'll start to relate to this soon. It'll give you an idea of what to expect.
Short version for you:
1. Yes, there are many flakes on CL, but also tons of genuine people. Not always smart, interesting people, understand—but genuine nonetheless. Lots of mediocrities, but also some great guys.
2. As an attractive woman, you will be deluged with responses. If you're lucky, out of every hundred there'll be a small handful interesting enough to follow up.
3. Be very specific in your ad about what you are (and are not) looking for. A detailed, well-written ad is much more likely to attract a better class of guy than a couple of lines saying you're looking to get laid.
4. Be VERY selective. My rule when trolling for my wife's pleasure is simply this: if I have the slightest doubt about a guy, I drop it and move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Don't feel compelled to follow up something just because it's the best thing available if it doesn't rock your boat. If you don't get a good one from one ad, place another—you'll get another ton of replies, and only a minority will be repeats.
5. Always talk to a guy on the phone before you meet to see if there's a chemistry there (easy conversation, sounds respectful, etc). It's a waste of time to meet someone when you don't know there's good chemistry there beforehand, and if you do that you'll just get tired of it and give up. Which I hope you don't, because there are some very good people out there if you look hard enough. We have made some close friends from the sex scene.
6. A thought for you: young men are overrated. My wife and I rarely anyone under 35, because young guys just don't get it. They're like puppy dogs: all over you, too much uncontrolled licking, and clueless. Older men have a self-confidence that's very sexy, and they know how to treat a lady.
7. What you're looking for: a guy who is attractive, clean, disease-free, respectful, courteous and relaxed. Not pushy at all. Make sure you specify you want a recent photo, and don't respond to anyone who won't send one.
If you need more advice, feel free to ask. I've actually played pimp for a couple of female friends of ours before and posted ads for them or screened responses. If you'd like good sex with one or more great guys in their early 40's (not me), we have a stable of friends who could serve!
Copying Dan Savage here for his entertainment. Dan, we love your column—it's a highlight of our week.
Having Fun Out There
All good, insightful advice from someone who knows what he's talking about... except for item #6.
Yeah, yeah: younger guys might be overrated, and older guys might be underrated, but it isn't helpful to tell someone whose fantasy is specifically and entirely about X that they might have an easier and/or better time pursuing Y.
MRSB isn't looking to fuck a man who isn't her husband just because she wants to fuck someone who isn't her husband. Her fantasy is specifically about sleeping with a much younger man, a college-age guy, because she wants to be Mrs. Robinson—she wants to be the older, more experienced woman, she wants to seduce a Benjamin. And not only is MRSB smart enough to realize that a younger man might be a bit clueless and overeager and that she may have to provide clues and, if need be, bring the licking under control, these "problems" don't ruin this particular fantasy scenario. They define it.
I get that you were trying to be helpful, HFOT, and I think the rest of your advice and your insights are great. But I feel obligated to point something out: your inability to see that older men—including your stable of "great guys in their early 40s"—are completely disqualified from "serving" in this particular scenario and recommending them to MRSB is a CL misdemeanor on a par with the failure to enclose a recent photo. Like gay men offering blowjobs to 100% straight guys or BBW submissive 60-somethings responding to ads from non-professional dominants seeking HWP twenty-somethings, one should refrain from responding to a CL ad—or any normal, kinky or NSA hookup ad—when it's clear that one is not what the advertiser is looking for.
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