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Thursday, March 10, 2011

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Thu, Mar 10, 2011 at 9:29 AM

Thanks for playing! NOW GO HOME. Wisconsin Republicans decide they don't need their holdout Democrat counterparts after all. Helped by legislative chicanery, the state's union-busting bill goes forward and is expected to be signed.

Now the state capitol is in lockdown. And protesters, predictably, go batshit.

Moammar Qaddafi is using a secret stash of cash to prolong Libya's civil war. Combat around another "strategic oil town" is some of the most vicious yet.

And although the rebels might be getting pounded,
they've also got a new friend. France is the first major country to recognize 'em as an opposition government.

There's a Muslim Inquisition planned on Capitol Hill today, apparently something to do with "scary radicalism." But funny thing? Breathless headlines aside, the (already tiny) number of American Muslims involved in terror plots actually dropped last year. Watch the jingoism live!

So remember that home intruder who called Portland cops on himself, after showering? Now he's gotten friendly with Washington police, allegedly for stealing a BMW and then shoplifting at a WalMart.

Women who post lots of pictures of themselves on Facebook really like it when people look at those pictures. Science says so!

The Pope spaketh again: First he decided that the Jews didn't kill Christ after all. Now he says Jesus was no revolutionary and that (sorry, mouth-foaming Christians!) violence in god's name is never okay. It's still okay, however, to invoke the devil dressed up as god.

HOLY SHIT! On March 19, the moon will be abnormally close to the Earth, and it will be full, and-and-and-and that could lead to global natural disasters, says one astrologer... Oooooh. Astrologer. Never mind.

REMEMBER? Do ya? Huh?


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