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Monday, March 21, 2011

The Hamster Ball Derby is Coming!!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Mar 21, 2011 at 12:19 PM

God-DAMMIT!!! I'm on vacation this week, and SWORE to myself I wasn't gonna blog anything the entire time. But when you get an email notice like the following, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I said, "WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???"

On your mark, get set, go! They’re off... hamsters around the nation will be duking it out with other fast and furry friends at PETCO’s annual Hamster Ball Derby on April 2, 2011 at 2 p.m. Families are invited to bring their pet hamster to their local store to watch the tiny family companions compete.
HamsterBallDerby.2007.jpg.2.jpg

OMG! Not only am I going to this, but I'll be betting my entire paycheck if anyone has the BALLS to wager against me! (Psst... nobody tell PETA about this... they ruin everything.) OH, and this email also included some fascinating hamster facts.

Hamsters can carry up to half their body weight in food in their cheek pouches.

Just like me!
Hamsters are solitary by nature. They do not need, want and should not have fellow hamster companionship.

Just like me!
Never lift a hamster by the scruff of the neck. Instead, place one hand under the genitals and place the other one over the back.

Just like me! (Note: I added the word "genitals"—it originally said "body"— to the previous quote in order to make it more interesting. I can do things like that, because I'm on vacation.)

AFTER THE JUMP! How to train your hamster to win a lot of money for me, and a mock hamster race!

GET IT, GOT IT, GOOD, I'M BACK ON VACATION. Until next week? SUCK ME.

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