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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Spring Films to Look Forward To/Dread

Posted by Dave Bow on Tue, Mar 22, 2011 at 2:44 PM

The worst moviegoing time of the year is definitely the January/February slump, when studios dump everything that wouldn't have hacked it during the holidays and doesn't stand a chance for any awards. Now that it's clearing up a bit, I was curious about what spring and summer are bringing. Erik is pretty quick to keep the blog up to date on anything with aliens or superheroes or fun stuff but there's so much more! Let's take a look at some of the movies that are coming out in the next few months:

Meet Monica Velour

Obviously geeks are cool now. The negative stigma of the '80s and '90s has gone the way of the landline. But rural geeks? They're still hi-lariously out of touch! Or so goes the thought behind Meet Monica Velour, which hopes that you still remember Napoleon Dynamite as razor-sharp and that you think porn (old porn!) is ripe for satire. Basically Meet Monica Velour hopes you are twelve. And a Kim Cattrall fan. Good luck, Meet Monica Velour!

Bad Teacher

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So it's like Bad Santa but with a teacher? Minus Bernie Mac and Tony Cox and plus Phyllis and Justin "Booboo" Timberlake? Alright!

Larry Crowne

OK, does Tom Hanks need to be in movies anymore? I gotta assume that everything he makes now is a labor of love to some extent. Otherwise why doesn't he just spend his days basking by the pool and tanning his million-dollar, aw-shucks, everyman charisma? Same goes for Julia Roberts. What personal reasons did they have to make Larry Crowne? Did Hanks just see The Forty-Year-Old Virgin and, I dunno, Back to School and think, "Take out all the potty talk and this could be a hit"?

Wrecked

My theory is that Hollywood still hasn't forgiven Adrian Brody his lack of decorum for that time he kissed Halle Berry at the Oscars. First he had to wear that stupid Jacket and now he's drinking from ditches and fighting mountain lions? You cruel bastards! You wouldn't do this to Matt Damon!

When Harry Tries To Marry

The sequel to When Harry Met Sally??? Sadly no, but it does look kinda cute. I'd really love it, though, if there could be a movie about an American person who was not white or black that didn't center around how they're not white or black.

Hop

David Hasselhoff's leathery face! Geico-level CGI! Women eating poop! The remaining strands of Russel Brand's charm! What's not to hate indiscriminately?

The Smurfs

I'd rather watch Hop.

Hoodwinked Too

I'd rather watch myself age in the mirror.

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