More trouble in West Africa! Followers of Ivory Coast's President Alassane Ouattara are attacking the residence of rival/strongman Laurent Gbagbo—who is currently holed up in his subterranean bunker watching Cinemax and updating his Facebook page.
According to reports, Japanese workers have stopped the flow of radioactive water from their crippled reactor into the Pacific, bringing an end to the dream of finally eating a three-eyed fish.
In related news, America's CDC chief says there are no worries about radioactive contamination here in the states—except of course, for the radiation we make ourselves.
A possible government shut-down is in the works for Friday, unless the Dems, GOP, and a strident, screaming, unreasonable Tea Party can reach some kind of budgetary agreement.
A new, super fast wireless internet network is being planned that may have the side effect of screwing with GPS, police cars, and airplanes trying to land... but guys! FASTER PORN DOWNLOADS!!
WHAT??? Bristol Palin received $262,000 in 2009 for promoting abstinence? What do I get for promoting fucking??
Charlie Sheen is attempting to trademark 22 of his catchphrases dreamed up during his public breakdown, including "Duh, winning!" (Hmmm... I wonder if I can trademark any of my Justin Bieber posts.)
As Denis reported yesterday (while employing the word "inveighed"... ooooh, fancy!), Mayor Sam Adams decided against using excess utility funds to pay for community college scholarships, and will instead pluck the money from various pots including one intended to curb sex trafficking. "Water vs. Selling Teens into Prostitution"? This is better than Sarah's "Rats vs. Children" debate!
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Showery today and tomorrow, a dry Friday, and a sprinkly Sunday for the Mercury Yard Sale—but don't worry, if it's too moist, we'll have it inside!
And finally, while she's no Justin Bieber, I think this new "Britney Spears" kid has a good career ahead of her. Here's her new club bumper, "Till the World Ends."
