Just got an e-mail from Fort Worth, Texas regarding my Osama bin Laden story in this week's Merc:

Subject: Black Hawk Rising

I stopped reading after the first paragraph...
O and his pals have made a mess out of this. Bring some adult leadership back to the WH like the guys that killed O.

Here's my response:

While I agree with your super-clear e-mail that Osama bin Laden has made some messes, I do not agree with you that the Navy Seals who killed Osama bin Laden ought to be president of the United States. We cannot shoot the federal deficit in the face, for example, nor can we shoot our crumbling national infrastructure or rising health care costs in the face. I believe we should keep Navy Seals doing what they do best, which is, to wit: Shooting people in the face.

Sorry the first paragraph was such a bore, but I encourage you to go back to the essay and keep reading; it gets really good after that. For instance, in the fifth paragraph, I explained exactly when and where Jesus Christ would be returning in order to scoop up the handful of Real Americans who are left. (Spoiler warning: You might want to book a trip to Rhode Island over Labor Day weekend.) In the seventh paragraph, I shared a fast and fun recipe for roasted zucchini and feta. Delish!

Hi-ho,
Paul Constant

P.S. Unless your e-mail meant "Orrin Hatch and his pals have made a mess out of this. Bring some adult leadership back to the Washington Hierarchy like the guys that killed Oligarchy." In which case: I totally agree with you.