THE RESULTS ARE IN from Monday night's battle royale featuring Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly. O'Reilly had invited Stewart onto the Prick Zone (or whatever his FOX News show is called) to debate him on why inviting the perfectly nice rapper Common to the White House almost cast our country into ruins. O'Reilly also put up a poll on his website asking viewers to decide who won the debate...and HERE ARE THE RESULTS OF THAT POLL.
Hmmm... now I'm no statistician, but I'm gonna say Jon Stewart squeaked this one out. BUT FRANKLY I'M SHOCKED AS SHIT. Are they expecting me to believe that the teabaggy viewers of FOX almost unanimously voted for logic (AKA Stewart)? Or that thousands of limp-wristed liberals swallowed their last vestiges of pride, and actually visited O'Reilly's site to vote on this thing? THIS POLL STINKS OF SHENANIGANS, MY FRIENDS. Which is why I hereby declare a mis-poll, while declaring Bill O'Reilly as the actual winner of this debate, even though he clearly lost. Common, not only are you no longer welcome at the White House, you've been deported. Pack your bags, pal.
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!