And it is a good morning! God apparently decided this wouldn't be the weekend when finally got around to bleaching the yellow spots from the rump-parts of his Holy Underwear Collection. Better luck next time? Oh, and Twitter and Facebook? Time to start talking about something else.
As for things that—hey! what a concept!—actually happened:
For the second time in recent weeks, and at a time of high tension in Israeli-American-Palestinian relations (reverting to 1967 borders ain't happening), a West Bank man accused of spying on Palestinians for Israel was gunned down.
Meet a Catholic priest who isn't shy about his passion for pedophilia. How refreshing!
Meanwhile, the fellow's capo di capos, Pope Benedict XVI, wasn't full of it, for a change, when he said he spoke personally to a man in the sky.
The former head of the International Monetary Fund, accused of chasing and then raping his hotel housekeeper, was sent away on bail from Rikers Island and will instead be confined to a palatial Manhattan apartment with his wife.
Um, about that smallpox scab you have on display at your little "medical history" event over there? Hi. We're the government. Let's talk.
Boehner killers? The Tea Party kids are getting restless under the clenched fist of a fusty old House Speaker who occasionally decides to compromise with the Democratic Party.
The American workforce has been treated so shabbily that now Indian customer-service firms are outsourcing back here.
For 8 bucks a month, you'll soon be able to look at every naked-lady picture Playboy has ever printed.
And for a couple hundred thousand dollars, you can have George W. Bush come and speak to your hedge fund club's weekend potluck. The former president has taken in some $15 million in speaking fees since leaving office.
TIMBERS LIVE BLOG ALERT! Brian says: The Timbers return to the fortress that is the House of Pane tonight for an 8 pm match (Fox 12, 95.5 FM) against the Columbus Crew. Portland (4-3-2) is the last team in MLS to remain undefeated at home, while the Crew (3-2-4) are coming in miffed after their seven-game unbeaten streak was snapped last week at lowly San Jose.
EVERY DAY IS A MIRACLE! OKAY? IS THAT HAPPY-SOUNDING ENOUGH?