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Monday, May 23, 2011

SL Letter of the Day: ETMFA

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, May 23, 2011 at 10:29 AM

I'm a 24-year-old woman, and recently I met a great boy. We've been on a couple of dates, we get on really well, and I'd like to pursue it further. But I've got one problem. I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years 6 weeks ago. It's a bit messy, he's 27, we lived together for 2 years, he still lives in our shared house, rent comes out of my account, he owes me a lot of money and barely makes payments. He's never held down a job and is directionless. Despite all this it should've been an amicable break up, but in the first week I moved out he slept with his friend's girlfriend, told me about it in the name of 'honesty' then got together with a new girl and they've been very coupley from day one. We share a lot of friends so it's hard to ignore. The way he's behaving seems so violent and unthoughtful. Although he's always been a bit irresponsible I never expected this of him.

So obviously, I'm not in the most stable of states right now, what are my responsibilities towards this new guy? Meeting someone so nice and interesting has really helped take my mind off this sucky situation. I don't want to parade any of this unpleasantness in front of him as it's not really his problem and I don't want it to define me, but obviously it's quite a big deal in my life right now. I'm normally very stable and together and although I put on a good front and am fun to be with I'm not over everything yet. Is it too soon?

Tired Of This

My response after the jump...

················

Too soon to kick your directionless, mooching loser of an ex-boyfriend to the curb? Nope, not too soon. And if this new boy is giving you the incentive to evict the motherfucker already, TOT, that's great. Add that item to the growing list of the new boyfriend's good qualities.

As for your ex-boyfriend debts...

Figure out how much your ex-boyfriend owes you, TOT, then figure out how much you'd be willing to pay to be rid of your ex-boyfriend. If the amount he owes you is less than the amount you would pay to be rid of him, getting rid of him was a bargain. If the amount he owes you is greater than the amount you would pay to be rid of him, you're just going to have to eat the loss.

Either way, TOT, your ex is never going to pay the money he owes you. The longer he stays, the more he owes you and the more you're out in the end. Kick the loser out, get a responsible roommate, date the nice boy.

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