Women often accuse me of being shallow—and I am. I enjoy Totino's frozen pizza rolls more than an expensive cheese plate, I prefer Justin Bieber to Adele, and while I'm not diametrically opposed to meaningful sex, I think meaningless sex feels just about as good. BUT SEE? As it turns out, I'M not the shallow one—WOMEN ARE. And Science!™ has finally proven it. Here's the proof from the world's leading scientific journal, Britain's The Daily Mail.

Women find happy men significantly less sexually attractive than those who swagger or brood, researchers said today.

They are least attracted to smiling men, instead preferring those who looked proud and powerful, or moody and ashamed, according to a study.

In contrast, men are most sexually attracted to women who look happy, and least attracted to those who appear proud and confident.

Women of the world? I AWAIT YOUR APOLOGY.