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Wednesday, June 1, 2011

SL Letter of the Day: Take It To the Grave

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Jun 1, 2011 at 10:29 AM

I'm a 25 y/o woman and have been in a very happy, stable healthy relationship with a woman for the last two years. I'm pretty sure she is the one. My problem is pretty simple and stupid- I got really drunk the other night and made out with one of my very good friends (a woman) who was also really drunk. I have been sick to my stomach since then. I know it was a thoughtless thing to do. And I know it came from a place of physical attraction but nothing more (my gf is the whole package).

How do I get over the sick to my stomach feeling? I won't confess to her. It was a one-time thing, it will not be repeated, and revealing it will cause more hurt and problems than it's worth. I know you feel pretty strongly about not confessing minor indiscretions to make oneself feel better if all it will accomplish is a lot of unnecessary hurt. I guess I just need a reminder lecture. Or to use you as my gay version of confession.

I'm An Idiot


My response after the jump...

···············

You've confessed to me, IAI, and I absolve you—provided you go forth make out with friends no more. Now keep your mouth shut.

It might help you to keep your mouth shut, IAI, if you looked at things this way: Your girlfriend has either done or will do something similar—something that would make you feel awful if she told you about it—at some point during your relationship. She may not have made out with a friend but she has either done or will do something that she's ashamed of, something that would hurt if you found out, at some point. If this thing has already happened, your girlfriend has done the loving, considerate thing and kept her mouth shut about it. If this thing hasn't happened yet, here's hoping she does the loving, considerate thing and keeps her mouth shut about it.

And if you should ever stumble over evidence of whatever-indiscretion-it-was that your sweet, loving, considerate girlfriend hid from you, IAI, you're not going to confront her or have a meltdown or write me another letter. You're going to think, "She loved me enough to hide this thing from me—just as I loved her enough to hide that one make out session from her." Then you're going to put the evidence of her indiscretion back where you found it, you're going to put it out of your mind, and you're going to go find your girlfriend so you can put your arms around her and tell her how much you love her.

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