This Week in the Mercury
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Homo / Politics A Pro-Choice Lesbian
Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Jun 2, 2011 at 9:47 AM
A lesbian challenges the premise of my "Choicer Challenge":
I'm sure you know this, but for plenty of homos, queers, etc. there really is a choice to be made. Gay men tend to think that biology determined everything right from the very first cell division—before you were even a person—but that overlooks a lot of other people's experiences and furthermore, it overlooks how boys are socialized to follow their dicks/desires right from the beginning. You might have made a choice so long ago you think it's nature that did it for you. Or maybe there are some bio-homos out there. But as for me, I tried heterosexuality, but living in NYC in a time when "experimenting" was encouraged I realized I could choose something else. I recognized a future for myself in all the miserable magazine articles about women perpetually dissatisfied with their boyfriends, husbands, etc. and realized that I could pass on all that and still enjoy the lipstick and fashion (allegedly designed to help women attract men). I could have been another miserable straight women; instead I made the happy choice to be a lesbian. Not because I had to, but because I liked it. I highly recommend it, Mrs. Palin.
Perhaps boys are socialized to follow their dicks/desires from the beginning while women are socialized to defer to dicks and men's desires from the beginning. And if that's the case gay men may have an easier time realizing they're gay, accepting it, and making the choice to come than gay women. But is that really the case? I recognize the unique—and destructive—ways that girls are socialized, but boys are under intense pressure to conform too. It's not like girls are told they MUST be straight while boys are allowed to make a free choice between gay or straight.
2
It may also be the case that this woman may still be straight but denies it because of her ideology. She may be one of the few lesbians that "hasn't found the right guy yet." She didn't specify her age- if she's younger than 30, there's a good chance that this is the case. College lesbians are a dime a dozen. That's not to say, she may genuinely be a lesbian, maybe it took a long hard look into the hetero-sexual world to realize she digs the fairer sex. One can only speculate.
The point is, I don't buy the 'nurture' side of the argument, and it's usually feminist ideologues that make the case for it- with only their own speculation and their own experience to go on. This woman has never been a male, let alone a gay male, so she can't really theorize about someone else's sexuality- and I can't hers- like I said I can only speculate. I can say from my own experience that I knew from an early age that I was male, and I liked girls. I used to watch "Splash" and rewind the part with Darryl Hanna's butt over and over again. I did like Barbies- only because I liked them naked. I had a short "my little pony" phase, but once I discovered toy guns and Star Wars action figures, there's was no going back.
I recommend that all "Women's studies" types raise a male child. Or try an F to M sex change, or just experiment a bit with Testosterone, you'll learn a lot.
The point is, I don't buy the 'nurture' side of the argument, and it's usually feminist ideologues that make the case for it- with only their own speculation and their own experience to go on. This woman has never been a male, let alone a gay male, so she can't really theorize about someone else's sexuality- and I can't hers- like I said I can only speculate. I can say from my own experience that I knew from an early age that I was male, and I liked girls. I used to watch "Splash" and rewind the part with Darryl Hanna's butt over and over again. I did like Barbies- only because I liked them naked. I had a short "my little pony" phase, but once I discovered toy guns and Star Wars action figures, there's was no going back.
I recommend that all "Women's studies" types raise a male child. Or try an F to M sex change, or just experiment a bit with Testosterone, you'll learn a lot.
3
So she's bi? The logic is so circular here it's dizzying.
Maybe it is different for women, but sexual arousal is a bit more necessary to a man than a woman, and believe you me, that's no choice.
Maybe it is different for women, but sexual arousal is a bit more necessary to a man than a woman, and believe you me, that's no choice.
4
Actually, I take that back, feminism isn't the only ideology that fails to make the case for the "nurture" argument- fundies are guilty of it too.
5
For me it was a choice between being a lesbian or dating boys that look like Justin Bieber, I went with the less-illegal option.
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