Satirizing Portland and More with State Fair of the Union
Steer clear of Pioneer Square, everyone.
"Popular and functional beverage" manufacturer Neuro is convening a flash mob there at 5pm. The flash mob is a totally underground-grassroots surprise, which is why Neuro sent out a press release about it and hired a dance troupe!
More questionable than the "flash" and "mob" qualities of this flashmob is... what the hell is a "functional" beverage? Neuro's handy press release says it's a drink that "supports a variety of cognitive functions" (including NeuroGasm, which stimulates blood flow to the body).
It's a modern miracle! Someone has invented a drink douchier than Vitamin Water.
Anyway, 15 minutes. You've been warned.
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