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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Drugs / Horrors / Transportation Train + Marijuana = Severed Leg

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Jul 12, 2011 at 11:14 AM

Here's an interesting/horrifying little morality tale via the Portland Police Bureau: Last night at 11:25 pm, 23-year-old James Piles was walking just east of SE Water and Stark, when he was struck by a train, thereby severing the lower part of his left leg. He's expected to survive... but you may be wondering, how exactly does a train sneak up on someone like that? The PPB shares their theory:

When police and medical personnel arrived at the scene, Piles was conscious and was carrying his severed left leg. Piles told police that he'd been smoking marijuana earlier and did not hear the train approaching when he was struck.

NOW, before you call "bullshit" on Piles' excuse, let me relate the following story: Earlier in my lovelife, I dated a stupid, fucking pothead. While I'm not a huge fan of the stuff, I decided to smoke it with her in order to get on level mental playing field (and eventually into her bed). So she invites me to this super fancy after-wedding reception (I don't do well in super fancy situations), and suggests we smoke up first. We do, and by the time we get there, I am so stoned I have gone completely deaf. I'm already insecure enough as it is, and these richy-riches are asking me stuff like, "So Steve, what do you do?" And I'm responding, "WHAT??? CAN YOU PLEASE SPEAK UP, I CAN'T HEAR A FREAKING WORD YOU'RE SAYING!!!"

Moral: Train + marijuana = severed leg (or at the very least, social embarrassment). Learn it. Know it. Live it.

 

Comments (21) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Dude was CARRYING HIS SEVERED LEG.

Like a boss.
Posted by cat & beard on July 12, 2011 at 11:36 AM · Report
2
I'd like to apply for a grant to hit all potheads with a train. I think I can get money for that from the guv'mint.
Posted by Graham on July 12, 2011 at 11:53 AM · Report
3
Sorry to tell you, but you were so stoned that you didn't notice she'd stuffed tampons in your ears as a joke. Don't worry, the reception guests loved it!
Posted by Todd Mecklem on July 12, 2011 at 12:20 PM · Report
4
You edit this rag and warn other people about social embarrassment?
Posted by ForReals? on July 12, 2011 at 12:25 PM · Report
5
I'm just wondering how many people have died due to ALCOHOL and idiotic stuff.
Posted by buggybison on July 12, 2011 at 12:36 PM · Report
6
#4 for gold star comment of the week!
Posted by guspasho on July 12, 2011 at 12:41 PM · Report
7
Steven, you ARE a super fancy situation.
Posted by atomic on July 12, 2011 at 1:00 PM · Report
8
Too busy to read the article right now, so I'm just gonna assume that you're referring to the band Train of "Drops of Jupiter" fame, and I'd like to confirm that their music will indeed cause severed limbs.
Posted by Joneser on July 12, 2011 at 1:19 PM · Report
9
He told you he was hardcore.
Posted by bruce123456 on July 12, 2011 at 2:13 PM · Report
10
Joneser: http://blog.trainwineclub.com/post/7304776…
Posted by atomic on July 12, 2011 at 2:28 PM · Report
11
I've suffered the exact same injury, lost my leg to a train, so it's not THAT uncommon, especially in the city limits where trains run slower so you can't feel the vibrations coming or hardly hear them. Suffice to say, both Pile and I were lucky, the week that I had my accident three death-by-being-hit-by-a-train were reported. I'm happy for every day that I've had since that accident, and this guy's life was just changed FOREVER. Being a gimp aint easy.
Posted by brein on July 12, 2011 at 4:26 PM · Report
12
@ brein, I think we're all wondering about the circumstances of your accident.
Posted by Commenty Colin on July 12, 2011 at 6:17 PM · Report
13
As fascinating as your story of compromising your own personal feelings on drug use in the pursuit of getting your dick wet may be, they hardly give any weight to the argument that this guy couldn't hear the sound of an oncoming train (about 90-95 decibels, higher if the whistle was blowing) over the sound of his own raging highness...
Posted by St. Patrick Stewart on July 12, 2011 at 6:45 PM · Report
14
"I heard it," Piles said. "I was walking right next to it.

The train hit the green army-style bag Piles totes on his back, stuffed with a sleeping bag and other gear for life on the road. He spun 270 degrees, he said, and was thrown under the dark train. Crawling out, he said, the train severed his leg in a "nice clean cut."

"It was real quick -- like two seconds," he said.


"He said he was not interviewed by Portland police, who said in a news release Tuesday that Piles had been smoking pot and didn't hear the train.

He admitted to taking a few puffs four or five hours before but said he was completely sober when the Union Pacific freight train rolled by about 11:30 p.m."

"I got hit because I was stupid not because I was stoned," Piles said. "It was totally my fault."
Posted by whatreallyhappened on July 12, 2011 at 7:29 PM · Report
15
Don't believe everything you read:

"I heard it," Piles said. "I was walking right next to it.

The train hit the green army-style bag Piles totes on his back, stuffed with a sleeping bag and other gear for life on the road. He spun 270 degrees, he said, and was thrown under the dark train. Crawling out, he said, the train severed his leg in a "nice clean cut."

"It was real quick -- like two seconds," he said.


"He said he was not interviewed by Portland police, who said in a news release Tuesday that Piles had been smoking pot and didn't hear the train.

He admitted to taking a few puffs four or five hours before but said he was completely sober when the Union Pacific freight train rolled by about 11:30 p.m."

"I got hit because I was stupid not because I was stoned," Piles said. "It was totally my fault."
Posted by actually on July 12, 2011 at 7:36 PM · Report
16
i wonder why comment 14 is blocked? And fuck you Steven Hump-4-free just for the sake of saying FUCK YOU
Posted by duurp on July 12, 2011 at 7:37 PM · Report
17
Wow subby, you are quite ignorant.
Posted by lol on July 12, 2011 at 8:20 PM · Report
18
I've been smoking for 10 years and never gone deaf, you're either lying or got yourself into a panic attack.
Posted by arr on July 12, 2011 at 8:51 PM · Report
19
My god, how did I stumble across such a horrible piece of trash. Who writes this shit?
Posted by partiallydelineatedaxonsheath on July 12, 2011 at 9:24 PM · Report
20
Jesus fuck this mess.
Posted by eatshitanddieop on July 13, 2011 at 1:25 AM · Report
21
Steve, if your postulation was anywhere near accurate, Portland would likely have hundreds -nay thousands of one-legged residents hopping around.
Posted by Beer Batter on July 13, 2011 at 10:27 AM · Report

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