
The Timbers have been hospitable hosts this season to their international exhibition opponents. Maybe a bit too hospitable.
Ajax, Club America and West Brom—each left the House of Pane with wins, but on a picture-perfect night in the Rose City, Portland hopes to claim victory in its final friendly of the season, an 8 p.m. match against Independiente of Argentina (750 AM, 101.1 FM and live streamed here).
With a "massive" slate of two Major League Soccer home matches upcoming (you know, the ones that count?), don't expect to see (m)any starters tonight, but with the possibility of going 0-for in friendlies staring them in the face, expect the Timbers to come out aggressive and show some pride against "El Rojo."
Click past the jump as I deftly describe the action, on and off the pitch.
Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit:
These guys are releasing their record at the Mt. Tabor Theater this Thursday, July 28. As far as I can tell, it is some sort of murder rap/puppet project, like Juggalos starring in Meet the Feebles.
I can't believe we didn't find this in time to make the nominations. I'm sorry, Blogtownies. We have failed you.
The documentary on Seattle poet Jesse Bernstein, I Am Secretly An Important Man, runs through Thursday at the Clinton Street Theater. I went to see it on Saturday.
It was pretty awesome. The best parts were the footage of Bernstein. He was obsessed with being on camera, and the filmmaker tracked down a large and enlightening amount of videos, art projects, home movies, photographs, and other visual documents. The footage allows this film to breath outside of the weight of interviews and testimonies that hinder so many documentaries. In fact, the film could have used a little more testimony.
The interviewees include friends, family, lovers, and business associates. Cobbled together they present something of a complete biography. Filling in the blanks can be clumsy, but it gives the film a purpose outside of being an archive. The film displays many different sides of the poet. We see Bernstein on stage, alone in his room, shaving, writing, babbling incoherently; it's vivid and fascinating, but in the end very, very depressing as it presents a clear picture of a man deteriorating under the weight of mental illness and substance abuse.
The performances from Bernstein's sober years are much livelier than those of his later years, including one in which he's literally silenced by his own depression. At his peak Jesse Bernstein was an incredibly visceral, reactionary artist. An interview with the local Seattle news is wonderful and filled with tension. As a permed newswoman asks him about being voted Best Local Poet by the Seattle Weekly, Bernstein remains polite and articulate through the whole thing while you wonder whether he's about to start ranting about the inhuman acts that fill his work.

DEMON FISH—Five short days before Shark Week, OMSI's Science Pub hosts Washington Post environmental reporter Juliet Eilperin to discuss her new book, Demon Fish: Travels Through the Hidden World of Sharks. Examining the ways humans and sharks can live in peaceful, eco-friendly harmony, Eilperin offers a lecture with some bite. CD
Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, 7 pm, $5
FRANKLY, MR. SHANKLY—The backscrubbers in This Charming Man know a club, if you'd like to go. Just make sure to wear black, 'cause that's how you feel on the inside—but don't kill the DJ, okay? Because it's none other than OPB's Jeremy Petersen on the mic singing all your favorite Smiths hits. Come dance to the songs that saved your life. CF
Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water, 10 pm, FREE
Esteemed Governor John Kitzhaber just sent out an announcement saying he will declare a special election to replace Congressman David Wu, with time for a primary.
All spelled out earlier today, the governor is responsible for setting the deadline for an election to replace a congressional representative who leaves their seat early. But if he called for an election within 80 days of the resignation, the candidates would be chosen by a party convention rather than an open primary. This means, we'll have a district-wide vote to choose the candidates, then a special election to choose the winner.
Does this affect who will win? Probably not, in my cynical opinion. But it is does mean a more direct democracy and that candidates will have to actually campaign with voters, rather than just shaking hands around the party table.
The Bulwer-Lytton Prize winner has been announced! This is the worst sentence of the year, written by Sue Fondrie:
Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.
That's pretty good/bad.

Hahahaha, a George Lopez show, poetry, or a picnic with my genetically-blessed brethren? Clearly no one here knows anything about me. Did they suggest the Juggalo-ish puppet show hiphop band? Of course not. Looks like my co-workers actually "like" and "care" for me.
Pussies. All of them.
That is why I want you, loyal citizens of Blogtown, to help me find something truly uncomfortable for our next contestant, Sarah Mirk. We are looking for horrible events that occur between August 4-10. Post your suggestions below, that way we'll make sure the next Discomfort Zone post isn't about what a great time I had at the comedy show, poetry corner, or a tall person pizza picnic.
Do your worst.
Salon asked a bunch of authors and publishing folk for their thoughts on the bankruptcy of Borders. The responses range from indifferent to concerned to optimistic; some authors reminisce about the support booksellers at Borders stores gave to their books, while others reiterate their love for indie bookstores over all.
I like this bit from publisher/biographer James Atlas:
As a publisher, I had a visceral feel for the consequences of this massively transformative event. It was only a year or two ago that our beautiful books would arrive at the office in their boxes, and as we lifted them out and held them in our hands, there was always a palpable — and I mean this in the literal sense — sensation of having achieved something real. All those months and years of commissioning the book, urging it along, eliciting it from (more often, prying it out of the hands of) the author, editing it, revising it, copy-editing it, designing the cover, presenting the book to the sales reps, writing the jacket and catalog copy, soliciting blurbs — and in a more general sense, working at a job that paid little and offered little prestige ... after all that labor, here was the result. It had all been worthwhile.Now they arrive and we wonder what to do with them.
It's like sending an email without an address. Where would it go? The last step is missing. Yes, we have Barnes & Noble (not for a whole lot longer, I predict); and yes, we have independent bookstores (fewer and fewer, less and less viable). We have Amazon (and it's a good thing, too). The big question, though, is: Can books survive as a largely virtual experience? Doesn't their very existence as a form of communication, a great technology, depend on their being physically present? I used to think so; now I'm not so sure.
Personally, high school would've been 25% crappier if there wasn't a Borders in my suburb. The cafe was open late; I read a lot of books I couldn't afford to buy. (Although to be honest it might've been a Barnes and Noble? It was big and a chain and had all the Sandman books and a cute guy worked at the coffee shop.)
We just received a release from the Portland Police Bureau documenting an extremely weird, and frightening story in which an 11-year-old boy [PPB update now says the boy was 12, I'll correct it below] was taken hostage by a clearly deranged person with a rock. BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN THE START OF IT.
According to the release, last night around 9 pm, the suspect, 43-year-old Casey Betts, burst into a home on the 118th block of South Yamhill, armed with a rock, and attempted to grab a young girl. Rebuffed, he fled the residence... and that's when things got even weirder. From the PPB release:
Arriving in the area, officers observed a man matching the description standing in the middle of the street at Southeast 117th Avenue and Yamhill Street with his left arm around a young boy's neck in a choke position with a large rock in his other hand. The suspect was threatening to kill the boy. The boy was in a state of extreme fear and looked distressed. The boy was taken hostage by the man and was being used as a human shield.Officers made a plan to rescue the hostage while officers had the suspect at gunpoint and gave him verbal commands to give up. Other arriving officers approached the suspect from his blind side and 2 officers deployed their TASER'S. The TASER caused the suspect to loosen his grip on the 12-year-old boy allowing him to escape. The suspect fell to the ground, dropping the rock and officers were able to take the suspect into custody without incident.
Apparently after being unable to kidnap the girl at the residence, the suspect fled into the street where he stopped a truck carrying the 12-year-old boy and his uncle, yanked the young man out of the passenger side door, and took him hostage, threatening him with the rock. Police say that their initial investigation indicate that the suspect was probably suicidal, and was hoping he would be "killed by cops."
Betts was charged with Attempted Kidnap in the first degree, Burglary in the first degree, Coercion, Kidnap in the first degree, Menacing and Unlawful use of a weapon and was lodged in the Multnomah County Detention Center on $332,500.00 dollars bail.
The district stretches all the way from SW Portland to the coast, encompassing the right-leaning Washington, Yamhill, Clatsop, and Columbia counties. In November 2010, Wu got only 54 percent of the vote in the district. We reluctantly endorsed Wu because opponent Rob Cornilles vhad never run for public office, but he got the Oregonian's nod.
That's right—running a race for US Congress against a Republican who had never run for office before, Wu got only 54 percent of the vote. Imagine what could happen in an open race with a Republican people have actually heard of and has experience.
Plus, add in people who may be dispirited with voting Democrat thanks to Wu's problems. A red District One seems like a real possibility.
Oregon Republican Party spokesman Allen Alley points out that the district was only four or five percentage points away from voting for Republican gubernatorial Chris Dudley, too. While Democrats Brad Avakian and Brad Witt have jumped into the race for Wu's seat, no Republican has declared. But, says Alley, there's plenty of potential candidates. Rob Cornilles has expressed an interest. "The other guy that's been talked about is Rob Miller, he's a business guy from Beaverton," says Alley. "In a short time frame like this, you might also have state representatives who could jump in, like Katie Brewer, Shaun Lindsay, or Bruce Starr who all are in that district."
Squinting is not an option. Your face will totally stay that way.

The Nielson brothers just might be the greatest export to emerge from Oceania—sorry, studs—but following the disintegration of the Mint Chicks, the Kiwi/Portland siblings have gone their separate ways. New Zealand gets Kody Nielson, while us Oregonians are lucky to have Ruban Nielson amongst our ranks. Ruban is the man behind the once-secretive project (read more about it here) Unknown Mortal Orchestra, which just released its self-titled debut LP a few months back.
Before their Yourstru.ly session, there was little video evidence of UMO—no, not UFOs, everyone knows those fly over Portland all the time—but now it seems as if the trio has shed their camera shyness a bit. The band was filmed by Bowlegs performing "Ffunny Ffrends" (in New Zealand, even the '90s sitcom is spelled Ffrends) in the basement of their label, Fat Possum.
End Hits: A performance in the basement of the Alamo would have been more impressive.
Me? I'm not a big Doctor Who fan. However, I know many of you are... which means you've all got a lot of 'splainin' to do! WHAT'S UP WITH DOCTOR WHO REFUSING TO KILL HITLER?? In the trailer for the upcoming episode entitled, "Let's Kill Hitler," it appears as if the Who team is doing the absolute OPPOSITE of killing Hitler... and actually SAVING Hitler! WTFISUWT?!?? (What the fuck is up with that?) Check it out.
This morning Wynde Dyer of Golden Rule posted a disheartening status update: She'd just returned from vacation to find, among other things, that her dog had been attacked, and she also mentioned that her "business is closing soon." Likewise, the shop's page says that, "our last few weeks are upon us." I have a message out to Dyer to confirm all this, but if it's true, what a huge bummer. Golden Rule is/was more than a store. The official line is that it's "a social experiment in creativity and commerce." Built on the inventory of Dyer's late mother, the store has grown increasingly collaborative within the community through art projects, consignment, monthly clothing swap parties, and even dance therapy sessions. Just this past weekend they participated in the first-ever Mississippi Flea. In an article published soon after the shop's opening last year, I wrote:
A post on Golden Rule's website reads, "On March 15, 2010, Morena Threse Faust, our mother, was found dead in her Hanford, California, home. She was 56. The cause of death was acute alcohol overdose complicated by dilated cardiomyopathy. In other words, she had an enlarged heart from long-term chronic stress and she drank herself to death." Dyer inherited, with her mother's passing, "a lot of debt, a 17-foot U-Haul of Victorian through early-'90s clothing, and a unique business plan." A lifelong collector (okay, hoarder), Faust's collection of clothing is given new life at Golden Rule after Dyer decided she didn't want to simply wholesale it off to Japan, and the store (the word "store" being a little inadequate) is both in tribute and therapeutic. Photos of Faust line the drawers and tables of the space, showing a tiny blonde beauty (don't worry, she collected all sizes) naked on a bed save for a bold necklace and a pile of cash, or with an ocelot she kept as a pet.
Here is the new video from Björk, directed by esteemed director Michel Gondry. They've worked together many times in the past, and like their previous efforts, this one cracks opens up your skull and scratches hard-to-reach places on your brain. I'll try to describe it... It's sort of like an astronomy-themed Tron in which Björk portrays a multi-colored disco ball before an explosion of crystals takes over the moonscape, and... hmm.
Let me try again: It's exactly like Laser Floyd.
Except cooler.
[UPDATE! A local-connection addendum: Jordan Kinley from Into the Woods was one of the shooters on this video.]
End Hits: Ha ha, charade you are.
However, a friend of mine did use the above language in an e-mail he sent yesterday—just like Obama requested—to his representative. My friend's e-mail is also an example of clear and compelling speech, in it's own way, and my friend suggests you copy and paste and personalize and hit send if, like him, you're represented in Congress by a no-compromise Republican:
Representative XXXXXXXXX-What the hell is wrong with you people? You are the worst representatives because you are purely self-serving. Do your fucking job and strike a deal; this is absolutely ridiculous.
Sincerely,
XXXXXXX
Christopher Ryan, co-author of Sex at Dawn, is stepping in for Dan Savage, who is on vacation. Chris will be writing the “Savage Love Letter of the Day” all this week. You can read more from Chris at his blog at Psychology Today, and follow him on Facebook and Twitter. Sex at Dawn has just been released in paperback.
I am married to a wonderful man. I love him. We get along well. We have pretty good sex. There are no major problems in our relationship. We fight like most couples—sometimes, but never very seriously. Never in a way that would make me consider leaving. My best friend is a man who I've been in love with for about eight years (my husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 5 of them—I was 18 when we started dating). My BFF and I talk (via e-mail) every day. He lives several states away, so we don't see each other very often—we've gone years without seeing each other in person, but in the past year we've traveled to see each other (and mutual friends) three times. My husband is aware of all of this except that I love him (although I know he suspects—I've never confirmed it). He knows we talk every day. He's read some of our e-mails (which are all very appropriate—we don't really even flirt). He has met my BFF and was present for one of the three trips. I have always tried to be very honest with my husband about my BFF without coming out and saying "I'm in love with him."My husband and I have discussed non-monogamy. I read "Sex At Dawn" and we talked about it and reasonable expectations for our marriage. My husband has told me that I can sleep with my BFF. He had a few conditions—one of them was "I don't want to know about it" and the other was "as long as you don't leave me."
The rest of the letter, and my response, after the jump...
Oregon Congressman David Wu sent out a statement at 9:30 today saying, yes, he's resigning.
Here's what he's got to say:
It has been the greatest privilege of my life to be a United States Congressman. Rare is the nation in which an immigrant child can become a national political figure. I thank God and my parents for the privilege of being an American.Now, however, the time has come to hand on the privilege of high office. I cannot care for my family the way I wish while serving in Congress and fighting these very serious allegations.
The wellbeing of my children must come before anything else. With great sadness, I therefore intend to resign effective upon the resolution of the debt-ceiling crisis. This is the right decision for my family, the institution of the House, and my colleagues.
It is also the only correct decision to avoid any distraction from the important work at hand in Washington. I intend to go forward with new resolve and love of family, the State of Oregon, and our nation.
Is anyone going to shed a tear for David Wu's career? I've never actually met a passionate fan of Wu, even before this recent scandal. Mostly it seems that people are asking: So, what happens next?
BlueOregon has the procedural details: The governor chooses the date for a special election. If it's more than 80 days away from now, candidates will be chosen through a primary. If not, they'll be chosen by a party convention.
There's already two candidates in the ring for Wu's seat: Current labor commissioner Brad Avakian and State Representative Brad Witt.
Tomorrow night, the IPRC is hosting an info session for the 2011/2012 session of their Certificate Program in Independent Publishing, a three-semester program with tracks in Fiction/Non-Fiction, Poetry, and Comics.
Many writing and cartooning programs cost roughly the price of a new BMW. Our program, on the other hand, costs about as much as a nice new bike. And as a program we are much like a bicycle: not flashy, but nimble. Human powered. Something old that is also new. The future.Furthermore, while we are all for traditional undergraduate and MFA programs (many of our instructors have MFA’s), we’re critical of the skewed exchange that sometimes takes place between students and large educational institutions, especially when it comes to writing and the arts. At the same time that many students graduate with large debt loads, they’re also denied further access to the very institutions that created that debt. On the other hand, tuition in our Certificate Program is also an investment in the IPRC’s publishing resources and vibrant community—which are forever available to all our students, and that will continue to develop and grow with each “investment.”
Honestly, if I were inclined to spend money to improve my writing skills and learn more about publishing (ha! don't get your hopes up), I'd do it. Learning design and e-book creation alongside writing workshops, plus the knowledge that my tuition is going to support the IPRC? Um, yes.
The info session is tomorrow night from 6-7 pm at the IPRC, 917 SW Oak, Suite 218, More info on the program here.
Debt War! Democrats and Republicans are still at odds on our debt.
War on Marxism and Muslim Takeover: Norway rallies around the recent bombing victims, as suspect Anders Behring Breivik admits he did the bombing, but it was a legitimate act of war.
The Maid's Legal War: The maid who accused DSK of rape tells all to Newsweek, but that may have imperiled her case.
War on Obesity: McDonalds decides to put fruit and veggies in Happy Meals.
War with Self: There's an epidemic of teen suicide in Michelle Bachmann's home district.
Old War, New War: Mexico's drug cartels are see themselves as the new Knights Templar.
Mariachi Price War: Hard times put LA mariachi musicians at each others' throats.
War on Obesity, Part II: It's the thinnest house in the world!

War on Cigs: Oregon colleges and universities will go smoke free by next fall.
Wu War Watch! Maybe Congressman David Wu will resign? Maybe? UPDATE: Wu is out! See the post above.
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