This Week in the Mercury

Accountability--At What Price?

News

Accountability--At What Price?

City May Tie Cop Pay to Greater Accountability


Quote of the Week

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

SL Letter of the Day: Nope, Not Okay

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Aug 3, 2011 at 10:29 AM

I am 18 and gay. I started hooking up with guys from a young age (15) and I fear I'm sexually over-experienced for my age. I am now in a healthy relationship and I love my boyfriend of seven months. However I keep cheating on him because he is strictly bottom and I am versatile. Is this ok?

Teen Angel Needs Guidance

My response after the jump...

·····················

Nope, not okay.

It's not okay if you don't have your boyfriend's permission to fuck around with/get fucked by other men. It's not okay if you're not using condoms with these other men and with your boyfriend. (Seven months is too soon to go condom-free even if you were being monogamous.) And this isn't a healthy relationship if you're misleading your boyfriend and putting him at risk.

Straighten up and fly right, TANG.—Dan

·····················

Who said I wasn't using condoms? We are 100% safe. It's just frustrating when it comes to sex that he won't top as well.—TANG

·····················

Nobody said you weren't using condoms. I said if you're not using condoms, then it's not okay. But you are using condoms.... which is great. That's good to hear. Lots of younger gay men aren't. Which is why I asked, TANG.

But using condoms with others doesn't make the screwing around okay. Your boyfriend's sexual limitations, however frustrating, don't justify what you're doing.

If you're so frustrated with your boyfriend that you're willing to cheat on him—at seven months!—then do the right thing and break up with him, TANG. And, yes, his refusal or inability to top is a legit reason to dump him. You have an absolute right to seek a partner who meets your needs and, at 18, you're far too young to settle. And you're way too young to adopt the rites and rationalizations of the CPOS.

Good to hear you're using condoms.—Dan

·····················

Ok cool, thanks heaps for the advice :) —TANG

Comments (0)

Subscribe to this thread:

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy