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Monday, August 15, 2011

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Aug 15, 2011 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Here's the number to my job, or call me in the whip—now how many chicks you know come with this? LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Like a whale eating a ton of plankton, Google scoops up Motorola Mobility for a scant (gulp) $12.5 billion.

68 dead and over 300 wounded as Iraqi insurgents launch a new wave of terror across the country.

An Egyptian judge says no more cameras in the trial of ousted leader Hosni Mubarak—what, and no "cage cam" either?

In the GOP race, Tim Pawlenty is OUT, leaving it a three way creep race between Perry, Romney and Bachmann (the winner in Iowa).

Speaking of Michele Bachmann, she told Meet the Press that she "doesn't judge gays." She does, however, eat them with fava beans.

We should tax the super-rich—and that's coming from super-rich person Warren Buffett.

Today in stories that are too awful to read, there's this.

Congrats to tabloid darling Tara Reid who got engaged on her vacation... AND MARRIED A FEW HOURS LATER?? (Your mother needs to have a talk with you, young lady.)

Meanwhile, Jessica Alba gives birth to her new baby... WHO'S SEXIER THAN SHE IS?? (That ain't right.)

Locally, a whopping 19,000 cyclists participate in the Bridge Pedal yesterday, and... HONK, HONK!! Get in the bike lane, ya spandex covered freaks!!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A slight chance of drizzle today, but otherwise a great week in the low '80s ahead.

And finally... guys? I'm bored. LET'S MAKE SHRINKY DINKS!!!

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