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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Ethics THE BLOGTOWN ETHICIST: A Tiny Donkey

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Aug 17, 2011 at 2:14 PM

As you may or may not have heard, the employees of the Mercury are currently obsessed with "tiny donkeys" (or "minidonks," if you prefer). (I am not asking if this obsession is ethical or not—it just is.)

minidonk1_fs.jpg

Anyway, seeing as how we can't seem to live without a tiny donkey, the employees have decided to chip in and buy a tiny donkey which we will keep the office. (Again, not asking about the ethicality of this decision.) We will feed it our food scraps (ethical question not here yet), and make sure it always wears a sombrero (not even close to being there yet). We may name it something like, "Country Music's Toby Keith." (Okay, here comes the ethical query!) But we do have one question we've been pondering… since "burrito" in Spanish literally means "tiny donkey"...

CAN WE ETHICALLY FEED A TINY DONKEY A BURRITO? (Isn't that like cannibalism or something?)

Your opinions on this matter, as well as other names to call our tiny donkey, are welcome in the comments below.

 

Comments (24) RSS

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1
I feel if you name it Toby Keith, people are just going to kick it in its soft parts until it dies, as that is most people's initial impulse upon discovering something named Toby Keith is nearby.

But yeah, feed it burritos. Make it a horrendously fat minidonk, and see if people can guess what kind of animal it is after it gains 200 pounds.

"Mutant Rabbit?"
"Did Olive fuck a horse while nobody was looking?"
"Mutant Chinchilla?"
"Something Steve shit?"

I think it could be fun.
Posted by Fatboy Roberts on August 17, 2011 at 2:23 PM · Report
2
NAME THIS ABONIMATION 'MATT DAVIS'.
Posted by Graham on August 17, 2011 at 2:30 PM · Report
3
I don't know if that's any better than "Toby Keith." They'd probably sink a lot of sharp things into the side of it on reaction.

"And this is our new Mercury Office Pet, Matt Davis."
*stab*
*sklurch*
*BRAY*
*drip*








*stabstabstabstabstabstabstabstab*
Posted by Fatboy Roberts on August 17, 2011 at 2:37 PM · Report
4
You can feed a tiny donkey ONLY burritos. It's where the word "burrito" comes from. Look it up. Christ.
Posted by Joneser on August 17, 2011 at 2:41 PM · Report
5
Yes, flour tortillas wrapped around delicious carrots, squash and the tender flesh of his mother, whom you slaughtered and prepared in front of him. It will make him a fucking war machine.

Accordingly, name him FUCKING WAR MACHINE.
Posted by Alexjon on August 17, 2011 at 2:44 PM · Report
6
you can only feed it Burriquitas.
Posted by * on August 17, 2011 at 2:45 PM · Report
7
Dude, you got this all wrong. You dont feed him burritos. You make burritos out of the tiny donkey. Its kind of like a 4H thing. Raise the cute animal then slaughter it. But make sure he is free range or else it is not ethical.
Posted by Demondog on August 17, 2011 at 2:56 PM · Report
8
ba-donkey-donk
Posted by * on August 17, 2011 at 3:15 PM · Report
9
No, you feed burritos to normal donkeys. Therefore you have to find some sort of tiny burrito for a tiny donkey. A burrito-ito as it were.

Also, don't buy novelty pets. It encourages the creation of more tortured abominations. Look at the teacup poodle. LOOK AT IT!
Posted by Blabby on August 17, 2011 at 3:17 PM · Report
10
If you give a mouse a cookie, you end up with cute sweet-smelling mouse pellets, but if you feed a tiny donkey a burrito there's explosive diarrhea in your future. More than you'd ever think that tiny bastard could produce. But if that's your thing, go ahead...it's perfectly ethical.
Posted by Todd Mecklem on August 17, 2011 at 3:31 PM · Report
11
Tiny Donkey Names:

Donkette
Donkaroo
Shadonka
clASSy
Eeyore Ace CarAss
Lil' Sebastian II: Tha Minidonk Resurrection


Posted by Commenty Colin on August 17, 2011 at 4:00 PM · Report
12
Long Donk Silver
Posted by Alexjon on August 17, 2011 at 4:21 PM · Report
13
Boat Donk
Posted by cat & beard on August 17, 2011 at 4:23 PM · Report
14
Long Duk Donk
Posted by TSW on August 17, 2011 at 5:00 PM · Report
15
Donkey Wahlberg
Posted by Joneser on August 17, 2011 at 5:14 PM · Report
16
Donkf Lundgren
Posted by TSW on August 17, 2011 at 5:26 PM · Report
17
You all know that Boat Donk won this thing as soon as you read it.
Posted by Fatboy Roberts on August 17, 2011 at 6:38 PM · Report
18
Clearly this is the name:

El Burro Pequeño con Gran Corazón!
Posted by Fruit Cup on August 17, 2011 at 7:10 PM · Report
19
YES blabby: burrito-ito

That's a donkey-win I'll never forget
Posted by Spoolo on August 17, 2011 at 8:56 PM · Report
20
I doubt if you can potty train a mini-donkey, so which intern (and I'm sure it will be an interns' job) gets too clean up after it?
Posted by ujfoyt on August 17, 2011 at 8:59 PM · Report
21
to. dammit
Posted by ujfoyt on August 17, 2011 at 8:59 PM · Report
22
I found where you can get a mini donkey in exchange for pole barn framing work.

http://portland.craigslist.org/wsc/bar/255…
Posted by lora on August 18, 2011 at 4:46 AM · Report
23
Don't have any names or any hats or any mini-petito-burritoitos, but can I have it when you're all tired of it and wished you'd gotten a mini-komodo dragon instead? It'd look so great next to the fern in the living room.
Posted by Ron on August 18, 2011 at 9:48 AM · Report
24
I am not sure if I should take this seriously, or if this yet another instance of you wacky upper middle class white kids using your trust fund on tha reefer. The only donkey I care about is the one I saw in American Eagle jeans....god goddamn she was fine....anyhow good luck with your petite donkey and whatever the hell you nerds do with it (I am calling PETA as a preemptive measure). If teh petite donkey haz issues adjusting, feel free to contact me as I am currently taking "vitamins" that are usually given to horsies. So on an Equine level I should be able to relate. Or at least lift a leg on you, whichever
Posted by The Showstopper on August 18, 2011 at 10:54 AM · Report

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