Today is a holiday, good people, and not just any holiday—it is the most IMPORTANT holiday of the year. The Awl, a New York online publication/blog/magazine/thingy, has decreed that today of days, August 25, is National Duck Out for a Drink Day. That's right: Put down what you are doing right this very second (you too, surgeons!) and start pouring alcohol into that thirsty, thirsty mouth of yours. It is a HOLIDAY, for chrissakes. Are you too good to celebrate a National Holiday? I'm violating the spirit of the day by even telling you this, so click off that monitor, sneak out of that stupid office, and wet that goddamn whistle.

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