This Week in the Mercury


Friday, August 26, 2011

SL Letter of the Day: Dream Girl

Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Aug 26, 2011 at 3:59 PM

So, I'm supposed to put all my kink cards out on the table, right? Problem is, mine seems rather innocuous, but it is causing major problems with my ability to find a great guy.

I'm 26, bi, and my idea of a successful long term relationship lands somewhere between monogamish (awesome word btw) and partnered non-monogamy. Basically, I want a primary partner, but I enjoy me some women now and then, and a foursome sounds like a great birthday present. Here's the issue: men seem to be intimidated by that idea. I've tried telling potential partners about my kink on the first date. This has lead to a great threesome on the third date, good times on the fourth date, even some real connections during the fourth month. At first they're all into it—I'm every dude's dream, right?—but eventually the men all change their minds about wanting that type of relationship. I don't. So, how do I broach the subject without scaring them off? What am I doing wrong? Is there some hidden cache of single, hot, graduate-degreed, East Coast men that I am unaware of?

Apparently NOT Every Man's Dream

My response after the jump...

···················

So basically, ANEMD, you're 26 years old and you're still single.

Where do I send flowers?

Look, kiddo, you might wanna try thinking of your romantic history this way: every man you've been with so far either hasn't wanted the type of relationship that you do, ANEMD, or hasn't wanted you. That doesn't mean there aren't men out there who do want the type of relationship that you want and you too, only that you haven't met any yet. You haven't hit the jackpot, you haven't run into "The One" "The Close Enough To Round Up To One." And that's completely normal for someone your age. Hell, I'd be more concerned if you writing in to tell me that you met TCETRUTO at 18 or 20 or 22 or 24 because most people who think they've met TCETRUTO in their early twenties are mistaken.

Finally... yeah, it's entirely possible that you're doing something terribly, terribly wrong. Maybe it's not the bisexuality or the threesomes or foursomes, ANEMD, but how you're rolling the bisexuality and threesomes and foursomes out. Or maybe it's how you behaved during them or the particular kind of women with whom you wanted to have them or some other issue or issues completely unrelated to bisexuality and threesomes and foursomes. Ask your exes for feedback, if you're on speaking terms with 'em, make changes if any are called for, and keep dating until you meet a TCETRUTO or three or four.

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