This Week in the Mercury

Hall Monitor


Hall Monitor

A Collision with the Calendar

Special Forces


Special Forces

Oregon's Prison Reform May Partly Hinge on a New Police Squad

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Sep 7, 2011 at 9:44 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Don't get me wrong, I'm really not souped. Ego trips are not my thing. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Tonight Republican front runner Rick Perry faces off against those other a-holes in the GOP debate—and may very well have his ass handed to him.

So is Rudy Giuliani going to run or not? Only if the GOP is "desperate" enough. THAT'S SAD.

Tomorrow night Obama takes the stage, addressing congress in an attempt to sell his $300 billion plan to boost jobs and the economy—and may very well have his ass handed to him.

Hey guys! Mitt Romney has a job plan, too! (WE DON'T CARE, ASSHOLE!! SIT DOWN!!)

Here's some news no one wants to hear: A stash of Russian-made missiles have been stolen from a Libyan warehouse. Uh-oh.

Libyan rebels claim to have Gadhafi surrounded and he may be either captured or killed as soon as... oh, how does this afternoon sound to you?

A gunman walks into a Nevada IHOP, and opens fire on breakfasting National Guard members, hitting 11 and killing four.

Remember when boxer Oscar De La Hoya denied those 2007 pics of him dressed up in lingerie? He's not denying it anymore. Sexy then, sexy now!

In tech news, Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz was given the heave-ho yesterday—OVER THE PHONE. Ouch.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Look out! Today's gonna be a scorching 96 degrees by 4 pm, and therefore hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock.

And finally, let's go to our News 6 reporter in the field for this special report on TAKE A WALK, JACKASS!!

Comments (5)

Showing 1-5 of 5

Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-5 of 5

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy