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Everyday at 3 pm I search Craigslist for my one true interest in life, so imagine my surprise when I see this listing.

LIVING THE VAMPIRE, GOTH OR OCCULT LIFESTYLE? (Portland)

— ARE YOU IN THE VAMPIRE COMMUNITY AND A LOVED ONE WANTS YOU OUT?
— IS ONE OF YOUR CLOSE RELATIVES OR FRIENDS INTO THE VAMPIRE LIFESTYLE AND YOU WANT HIM/HER OUT?
— ARE YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW INTO SATANISM OR THE OCCULT, AND IT'S CAUSING TURMOIL?
— ARE YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW INTO THE GOTH LIFESTYLE AND YOUR/THEIR LOVED ONES HATE IT?

IF YOU ARE INTO THE DARK SIDE AND SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS TRYING TO GET YOU OUT, PLEASE E-MAIL US BACK WITH YOUR NAME AND PHONE #, OR CALL 855-833-7770, EXT. 2


THIS IS FOR A TAPING IN NEW YORK CITY IN SEPTEMBER!

***ALL GUESTS GET FREE FLIGHT + FREE HOTEL + MEAL MONEY***

Nice trap, Blade. Then again, a free trip to New York City is a free trip to New York City. What's a vampire to do?