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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Sep 21, 2011 at 9:31 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I wanna go where the sun keeps shinin' through the pouring rain, goin' where the weather suits my clothes. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Hoping to defuse a tenuously shitty situation, Obama addresses the UN to explain his reasoning for temporarily opposing statehood for Palestine.

American hikers imprisoned by Iran have been released—on a $1 million bail. OUCH.

NATO bombs the shit out of the area surrounding Gadafi's hometown, while rebels come under fire.

Protests erupt worldwide for Troy Davis, who claims he is innocent of killing a Georgia cop, and is due to be executed later today.

For all those (like me) whose iPhone is on their last legs, rejoice, and expect an announcement about the iPhone 5 on October 4.

Today in "SHUT UP, IDIOT": Despite a mountain of evidence to the contrary, singer Pat Boone still insists that President Obama was born in Kenya.

In Mexico, suspected drug traffickers dump 35 bodies under a busy overpass during rush hour. So stop complaining about your commute.

Here's your headline of the day: "Ira Glass got drunk with Rachel Maddow, woke up smelling of vomit."

Now let's go to our own Timbers footy correspondent Brian Gjurgevich with news of tonight's game. Brian?

Morning news and Steve and Blogtowners!

The Timbers play tonight, which, of course, means live-blogging later. Here's a first report:

Labeling its last match a "must-win" paid off for Portland: The Timbers rolled to a 3-0 victory in dominating fashion on Saturday to keep their playoff hopes alive. Tonight, PTFC faces another crucial test, and the pre-match rhetoric is ramping up: "If we don't win," defender Lovel Palmer told The O, "our season is done." Tonight's 7:30 p.m. meeting with San Jose pits a Timbers team unbeaten in four matches against the Earthquakes, a side whose postseason chances are "slimmer than a pair of skinny jeans." Can Portland grab a victory tonight before finishing it inaugural season with four of five matches on the road? Check back later for some High-Pitched Live Blog Action.

Thank you, Brian, and now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Warm and gorgeous throughout the weekend with highs in the low to mid 80s.

And finally, comedian Jesse Joyce is tweeting the best jokes cut from the Charlie Sheen roast. Here's a goodie!

the-best-joke-that-was-cut-from-the-charlie-sheen-723-1316622152-7.jpg

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