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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Ethics The Blogtown Ethicist: The Office Coffeemaker

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Sep 29, 2011 at 10:44 AM

Nothing in the Mercury office garners more heated debate than the office coffeemaker. (And one wonders why print media is coughing up blood.) Therefore we need the great minds of Blogtown to help us solve TWO ethical conundrums today:
Conundrum #1: You're making roughly 12 cups of coffee. How much coffee would you ladle into the coffeemaker basket to ensure the necessary strength without causing an overflow?
Conundrum #2: Everybody knows that God's 11th commandment was "If you drink the last cup of coffee, make another pot." HOWEVER! At what hour during the business day, do you IGNORE this commandment, because nobody else will be drinking it anyway, and it would be a ridiculous waste that we shouldn't care about, and yet we do?

Your final answer will be legally binding, and will be entered into the Portland Mercury Employee Handbook as LAW. (As usual, feel free to discuss the intricacies of these quandaries in the comments below, and you will, because you sincerely have nothing better to do.)

 

Comments (14) RSS

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1
Jesus Christ. There are days I want to reach through the computer and slap you people.
Posted by Joneser on September 29, 2011 at 10:51 AM · Report
2
I don't understand this "basket" system, but the correct answer is 24 tablespoons of coffee.
Posted by theterminizer on September 29, 2011 at 11:01 AM · Report
3
1 level spoon per cup of water.
Posted by Fruit Cup on September 29, 2011 at 11:10 AM · Report
4
I don't care who makes it, but it should be strong, and primo stuff. What brand do you buy, what variety? Ground just before brewing, of course? We deserve to know. DO NOT MAKE ME COME UP THERE FOR A SURPRISE INSPECTION.
Posted by Todd Mecklem on September 29, 2011 at 11:24 AM · Report
5
Where's the option for "I stumbled in kind of late and there might be three quarters of a cup left in the pot - fuck it, I'll just have tea"?
Posted by Babygorilla on September 29, 2011 at 11:25 AM · Report
6
WHEN YOU SAY 'CUP' ARE YOU REFERING TO SOME SORT VAGUE 'COFFEE CUP' MEASUREMENT OR DO YOU MEAN 8 FLUID OUNCES?

NOT THAT IT REALLY MATTERS, DOING THIS BY VOLUME IS FOR STUPID FUCKING PROLETARIATS. YOU SHOULD BE MEASURING BY MASS. THE PROPER RATIO OF GROUNDS TO WATER IS 55 GRAMS OF COFFEE PER KILOGRAM OF WATER (ASSUMING WE'RE WITHIN 1000 METERS OF SEA LEVEL).

YOU STOP MAKING MORE COFFEE TWO HOURS BEFORE THE END OF THE BUSINESS DAY.
Posted by Graham on September 29, 2011 at 11:32 AM · Report
7
Get your own french press, absolve yourselves of responsibility.
Posted by cat & beard on September 29, 2011 at 11:35 AM · Report
8
THIS is why I had to take maters in my own hands and get a french press for my desk.
Posted by McAngryPants on September 29, 2011 at 11:37 AM · Report
9
12 cups means 96 grams of Stumptown.

55 grams ? Graham must be some kind of Mormon.
Posted by Rosy on September 29, 2011 at 12:20 PM · Report
10
This was a weird way to tell me that I was making the coffee too strong, Steve.
Posted by suzette on September 29, 2011 at 12:36 PM · Report
11
Interestingly, unlike Suzette, I have never made a pot of coffee for the office. Am I interning wrong? I think I'm interning wrong.
Posted by Melogna on September 29, 2011 at 1:10 PM · Report
12
@ROSY: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CUPS OF WATER ARE IN A KILOGRAM OF WATER? APPARENTLY NOT. THE ANSWER IS 4.2. SO MY RATIO OF COFFEE GROUNDS IS QUITE A BIT HIGHER THAN WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE.
Posted by Graham on September 29, 2011 at 2:00 PM · Report
13
Get a coffee vending machine -- the kind that dispenses paper cups with playing cards pictured on the side and also offers cups of powdered hot chocolate or chicken broth.
Posted by geyser on September 29, 2011 at 2:02 PM · Report
14
Before answering, I'd have to see the size of your basket.
Posted by Commenty Colin on September 29, 2011 at 3:46 PM · Report

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