We covered a lot of ground in our Destination Halloween column this week (coming to an internet near you today), but here's a few perennial favorites for your Halloween hauntings:
Haunted Corn Maize at the Pumpkin Patch on Sauvie Island, daily through Mon Oct. 31, 7-10 pm, $10 ($15 for both mazes). Nothing says Halloween like seeing Children of the Corn. Take it to the next level by watching children freak the fuck out in the haunted corn mazes. Pro tip: Don't wear your brand-new pair of suede boots like some moron.
Squishing of the Squash, Oregon Zoo, Fri Oct. 28, 10:30 am, free w/admission. More awesome than frightening, this is a great opportunity to watch a bunch of elephants decimate some pumpkins. I bet they visualize their human oppressors while they do it.
Halloween query: Every year I go to Boise for Halloween, where my niece and I go to a park by her house. There, the local firemen put on a terrifying haunted woods spectacle. It's a long twisting path through a thicket of trees that would put the Blair Witch forest to shame, filled with scares and quicksand and haunted sheds filled with ghouls. The firefighters jump out from behind trees to wield running chainsaws and flamethrowers and chase you through the woods like psychopaths. IT'S AWESOME. Why does this not happen in Forest Park or somewhere nearby?