• Alison Hallett, who's usually content to be a depressing cat lady, went out on a limb and tried something a bit different—being a depressing dog lady! ATTN. OREGON HUMANE SOCIETY: Allow me to introduce you to Ms. Hallett, another pathetic, unwanted thing for you to put out if its misery.
• Airheaded socialist Alex Zielinski gleefully reported that hippies are now allowed to "counter recruit" alongside military recruiters. I am a strong proponent of this development, as I can only imagine it will lead to fisticuffs. Guess who's winning that fight, you commie queefs.
• Marjorie Skinner wiggled herself into her best "I'm a real reporter!" outfit and wrote an eye-opening exposé about tacos for hipsters. An actual journalist would have inquired if they served actual Mexican food, but, as is readily apparent, Ms. Skinner is not a real journalist.
• Courtney Ferguson asked Blogtown readers a question. Blogtown readers ignored her.
• As usual, Ned Lannamann said nothing worth acknowledging.
• Denis C. Theriault broke the hilarious news that Occupy Portland's twinkling revolutionaries are threatening to move into the Pearl. ATTN. IMBECILES: Residents of the Pearl can afford to hire private security. Like Blackwater. I urge you to move there immediately.
• Erik Henriksen discussed films from three acclaimed, award-winning directors, as well as a cartoon made exclusively for toddlers and drug addicts. Guess which one inspired Blogtown's commenters to shit their pants in delight?
• More proof of how woefully inadequate Blogtown's commenters are: Wm. Steven Humphrey collated some comments regarding Occupy Portland from The Oregonian, FOX, KATU, and KOIN. Now that's how you comment, ding-a-lings.
I will return next week, and not one moment before. I urge you to do the same.
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