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Monday, October 31, 2011

SL Letter of the Day: Cock the Vote

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Oct 31, 2011 at 10:29 AM

I'm a 34-year-old guy in the Bay Area with a great job, three kids, and a beautiful wife. But I have a problem. I am completely different animal sexually than my wife. It's the typical "he wants it all the time, she doesn't" situation. However, my issues runs a little deeper than difference between the sexes, and crosses the line into my being much more sexually adventurous and having an appetite for receiving head that won't quit. My wife happens to be the only woman I've been with who is terrible at sucking dick, and refuses to swallow. I'm a complete fiend when it comes to getting deep throated and my load swallowed. She refuses, and as I'm pretty well endowed, she gags and doesn't enjoy giving oral at all.

A year ago I went out to dinner with my trainer after a session at the gym. I shared the above problem with him and the next thing you know we were back at his place and he was swallowing my cock. I had no idea he was bi. It's completely DL, but he's an animal, no gag reflex, and he knocks back my cum like water after a run on a hot day. He's in a long-term relationship with a woman also, and this is between us only. I've known him for years and neither of us plan on finding other guys. Since sex is so good otherwise with my wife, and as I have no expectation that she'll ever learn to like sucking me off, and since she hates giving head in general, this seems like the perfect solution. But recently I've been feeling pretty guilty. I'm not sure I can give up such mind-blowing head and a no-drama, no-nonsense masculine guy who can't swallow enough, but in the same sense, it's eating at me. I have no desire to have a long-term relationship with a guy, but I tell you, four or five times a week is incredible.

Spouse Or Swallower

My response (AND A SAVAGE LOVE POLL!) after the jump...

•••••

Um... gee.

I should probably tell you to knock it off; to accept that no one gets everything he wants in a relationship; to focus on what's good and what works in your sex life at home; to honor the monogamous commitment you made to your wife or, if you can't do that, to have the courage to honestly renegotiate terms with your wife; to think about your CHILDREN and what'll happen if your affair gets discovered; to consider the very real possibility that you're not the only guy your trainer is blowing and the chance that you'll bring a STI home; and, finally, to recognize that it's difficult enough to move on from a personal trainer—or a hairdresser, or a landscaper—when you don't have to factor blowjobs "four or five times a week" into the equation.

But... I'm going to recuse myself because the whole situation is just too fucking hot for me to be impartial. Instead the Savage Love General Assembly is going to meet, debate your situation in comment, and then everyone is going to vote.

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