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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Nov 16, 2011 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Hot shoe, burnin' down the avenue. Model citizen, zero discipline. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Portland University State students are planning a walk-out today at noon to show solidarity with the Occupy Portland movement, and will attend some speechifying in the South Park Blocks. Bring your rain booties, kids!

As Occupy parks are being evacuated across the nation, many of the organizations are realizing their footholds in public real estate were "symbolic," and are now planning to broaden their reach into more direct action. (Editorializing here: Yay!)

The three current mayoral candidates (Reese is waiting until this Occupy Portland thingy blows over, obvs) went toe-to-toe in their first debate, agreeing on mostly everything except the CRC. THIS IS GOING TO BE SO INTERESTING, GUYZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

A nutbag with an AK-47 takes a shot at the White House, though no one is hurt. If you happen to see suspect Oscar Ramiro Ortega, ask him what was up with that.

The assistant Penn State coach who allegedly caught Coach Sandusky raping a boy in a locker room says he "made sure the assault stopped" and went to police.

The idea of a government "Super Committee" designed to reduce the deficit is getting a lukewarm response—probably because it should actually be called "Mediocre Committee."

Justin Bieber's alleged baby mama has dismissed her paternity suit. I told you he wasn't old enough to have sperm!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Hope you brought extra socks, 'cuz you can expect a drenching, rainy day with heavy mountain snow tomorrow through Friday.

And finally, signing off for "Good Morning, News!" here's special guest reporter Joyce Evans—who I think speaks for all of us.

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