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Monday, November 28, 2011

SL Letter of the Day: Listen To His Words

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Nov 28, 2011 at 10:28 AM

I'm a 21 year-old straight girl who is eight months into her first long-term, sexual relationship. My boyfriend is 28; we laugh frequently and have sex at least five times a week. In two months, I'm going abroad for at least six months, maybe a year. We've started discussing the practicalities of such a move. We agree that we'd like to stay together, and he's already purchased a ticket to come see me. I am really into this guy and would like to explore a future.

1. There was an incident three months into our relationship where he lied about being safe. This was JUST before we had unprotected sex for the first time. We almost broke up over it and he admitted he has some impulse control issues when sex is involved. When I asked him how he's going to deal with being monogamous while I'm gone, he said something to the tune of, "I'd tell you if I got drunk at a bar and took a girl home, but if I just made out with someone, I probably wouldn't tell you." This profoundly disturbs me, but what can I do? I can't MAKE him be honest, especially if he thinks I'm going to be upset about what I hear.

2. My boyfriend has mentioned that not getting laid—with a real live girl—regularly (read: at least once a month) affects him physically and mentally. I strive to be a GGG but I don't feel secure enough to open our relationship up, nor do I want to. We both agree that we don't want to date other people while I'm gone, and that having sex with other people is not OK. I want to make the separation as sexually satisfying for both of us as possible, but he doesn't like Skype or calling. What can I do?

Thanks for your time, seriously.

No Orgasms Overseas Babe

My response after the jump...

··················

Let's recap: he's your very first boyfriend... he "lied about being safe" just before he began having unprotected sex with you... and he's telling you that 1. he can't go without sex for longer than a month and 2. he probably won't be completely honest with you about what he gets up to during the six-months-to-a-year that you're away. Oh, and he's really not the keep-in-touch type—doesn't like to Skype, doesn't like to talk on the phone—so you're not going to be able to tide him over with regular tech-enhanced masturbation sessions.

END THIS RELATIONSHIP.

This guy is telling you that he's going to cheat on you while you're gone and he's going to lie to you about it. When the truth comes out after you get back—assuming he's still single when you get back—you're going to remember all the hot boys you could've made out with during your year abroad, NOOB, and you'll spend the next year kicking yourself.

There's no need to break up with him right now. Go ahead and enjoy him, this relationship, and the sex for the next two months. But when it's time to go, NOOB, end things cleanly. Then go and enjoy your year abroad without feeling encumbered and without having to worry about what he's up to.

And if you're both still single when you get home, NOOB, you can pick up where you left off.

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