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Saturday, December 3, 2011

Good Morning News!

Posted by Alex Zielinski on Sat, Dec 3, 2011 at 9:30 AM

Cain's Waiting Game: Herman Cain is hours away from announcing whether or not he will continue his run for presidency after a considerably bumpy start.

What's Next?: Occupy Portland aims to re-occupy an unnamed park today, much to Mayor Sam Adam's discontent. Stay tuned for updates.

Didn't See That Coming: The U.S. unemployment rate hits a 2-1/2 year low (since March 2009). The labor department sighs.

Hungary Attacks the Hungry: Homeless in Hungary? You're going to jail. Or paying a $600 fine, which I'm sure you have.

No Father's Day Breakfast for You: Penn State scandal icon Jerry Sandusky tells his story to the New York Times. Calls himself a "father figure" to young boys, says the prosecutor have it all wrong.

Candy From Strangers: al-Qaida wins over small villages in Africa by showering villagers with candy, medicine, clothing and kindness. Suspicious.

Periodic Trickery: Just when you finished memorizing all the periodic elements for your Chem final, science adds two more: Livermorium and flerovium. Also, they sound bogus.

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN: While undergoing completely unrelated surgery, and Alabama woman's face catches fire for no apparent reason, leaving her with second degree burns.

Short and Sweet: The newest campaign for street safety in New York City: Haiku.

This is Real Life: Hanson creates an IPA titled "MMMHop". Also look how classy these boys are lately.

And Now for Some Dog Disco:

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