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Monday, December 5, 2011

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Dec 5, 2011 at 9:28 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I was shakin' at the knees, could I come again please? Yeah, the ladies were too kind... You've been thunderstruck! LET'S GO TO PRESS.

In case you missed it, 19 were arrested this weekend when Occupy Portland decided to occupy Shemanski Park. Cop violence was on the uptick, but after a pizza break, police decided to retreat back to the precinct. A victory for Occupy? NOT QUITE. Turns out Shemanski's drug dealers briefly chased them away. WOW. Check out Denis and Sarah's coverage of this (I'm sorry) kind of ridiculously hilarious weekend here, here, and here.

Also over the weekend, Herman Cain backs out of the presidential race. Asked if he'll try again in 2016, he simply said, "Nein. Nein. Nein."

France and Germany team up with a pact designed to stave off European financial collapse. Oh, if Hitler could see you guys now!

Expect first class letters to slow, and no next day stamped delivery when the Postal Service severely cuts back in the Spring. WHAT??? I have to wait for my credit card offer from Citibank and my Fred Meyer circular? BULLSHIT!!

Anti-abortion activists and evangelicals have a new plan to kill choice—declaring life once a fetal heartbeat is detectable.

Scientists have discovered a possible habitable planet! DIBS!! (Right after I trash this one.)

Put away your bathing suit, workers at Japan's Fukushima Daiichi nuclear facility have discovered 45 metric tons of radioactive water leaking from a reactor.

Victims of alleged child molester Jerry Sandusky are furious following this weekend's interview with the former coach, who still denies any wrongdoing.

Madonna will be taking the stage this year during the Super Bowl halftime show. I will be doing anything else besides watching it.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Mostly cold and gorgeous week, with nipple-raising nights. Put on your nipple-muffs!

And finally, our own Alison Hallett and Erik Henriksen's lip synch/dance performance of Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You." (Man! You guys can really cut a rug. Now get back to work.)


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