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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

SL Letter of the Day: Taste Testing

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Dec 7, 2011 at 10:29 AM

I am a 25 year old straight female in a committed relationship. My boyfriend and I are into the kink scene and we consider ourselves to be a switch couple. My boyfriend has expressed his desire for me to peg him when I dom him. I am very keen on this as I have total penis envy and as a dom that turns me on. I have the fantasy of him ejaculating in my twat/insert term for female gentila of your choice and then making him clean his come from inside me when he is my sub. When I ask him to perform this fantasy for me, he flat out refuses. In fact, when he comes in my mouth after a blow job he refuses to kiss me until I've brushed my teeth. He says that its "super gay" to taste his own come but yet he's totally down for being pegged. I'd like to think of our relationship as very sex positive, caring and loving but I just don't understand. Why is he so against this idea? As far as I know he has no previous issues surrounding sex. Maybe you can provide some insight? Because honestly I have no fricking clue....

Confused Straight Girl

My response after the jump...

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A man doing something that gets his girlfriend off—particularly a guy who subs doing a particular something that gets his girlfriend off—seems a whole lot less gay to me than a man begging his girlfriend to fuck him in the ass with a strap-on dildo. Not that I think a desire to be pegged means a guy has gay fantasies or is a closet case or that he's going to start doing super gay shit like learning to figure skate or frequenting sports bars or marrying Michele Bachmann. Heavens no. But if Rick Santorum were to hold a gun to my head and force to place all known sex acts on some sort of bullshit continuum that stretched from "totally straight" to "totally gay," pegging would fall somewhat closer toward the gay end of the spectrum than a guy eating his own come out of a pussy he just fucked.

But my opinion isn't really relevant. Your boyfriend's opinion is what counts here, CSG, and he thinks tasting his own come is gay.

So what should you do? Three options come immediately to mind:

1. You could accept his logic and refuse to blow him anymore, CSG, as you're not gay and don't want his gay come turning you into a gay woman.

2. You could refuse to blow him anymore, CSG, because he shouldn't be putting anything in your mouth that he wouldn't put in his own.

3. Tell him that you'll fulfill his pegging fantasy right after he fulfills your creampie fantasy.

Final insight: homophobia is a kind of magical thinking, CSG, and sometimes the magic works like this: "Things I don't want to do are gay, things I do want to do are not gay. It's magic!" Sometimes all it takes to help someone break through this kind of crap is reasonable request from a GGG partner—a GGG partner who refuses to take "that's gay!" as an answer or a veto. Good luck!

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