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Friday, December 9, 2011

Film / Mercury Is Calling Love Actually "a Perfect Film" a Fireable Offense?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Dec 9, 2011 at 3:44 PM

Okay. I'm going to put this as nicely as possible. As editor of the Mercury, I have to read A LOT of bullshit opinions. That's okay... it's part of the job. In fact, I've even come to appreciate my staff's inclination toward "contrarianism"—its charming, in a naive, stupid way. That being said, I ALMOST LOST MY SHIT when I read the following sentence from Elinor Jones' otherwise very funny, smart review of New Year's Eve:

Also, New Year's Eve (and Valentine's Day before it) stole this idea from Love Actually, which is a perfect film.

WHAT... THE... FUCK. Now, I can stand Sarah Mirk's incessant prattling about bicycles, and Ned Lannamanamann's weird obsession with the banjo... but wildly inaccurate statements like the one expressed above—ONE THAT IS CLEARLY, CLEARLY SO WRONG—threatens the livelihood of everyone who works at the Mercury. I staunchly believe that everyone has the right to their opinion—BUT I SURE AS SHIT DON'T HAVE TO PAY THEM FOR IT. That's why I was stomping around the room on press night screaming, "I WANT THIS ELINOR JONES PERSON FIRED!!!"

Unsurprisingly the craven, and also often wildly wrong Erik Henriksen asked me to calm down, and put it up for a Blogtown vote. But first, so everyone will know what we're dealing with, here's the trailer for Love Actually. Judge for yourself.

And now... the poll.

 

Comments (30) RSS

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1
If you want the valuable perspective of someone who enjoys, and is able to write well about, these types of films: you are going to have to keep Joneser.

I vote to keep, naturally.
Posted by Fruit Cup on December 9, 2011 at 3:59 PM · Report
2
That Joneser is an immensely talented asset is not in question. However, imagine yourself in a management position, and an employee came up to you and said, "I just landed three very wealthy valuable clients! And? I strangle kittens."
Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on December 9, 2011 at 4:16 PM · Report
3
I hear you; it's definitely a tough call. I don't envy the difficult position you're in. But I think you're in a good place in getting out in front of this before it becomes a bigger controversy. Maybe in the interim you can make sure Joneser adds a disclaimer to her postings, “the opinions of this blogger do not reflect the opinions of the Portland Mercury.”

I mean, if you can land three great deals and all you have to deal with is a few strangled kittens, I’d say you’re ahead of the game.
Posted by Fruit Cup on December 9, 2011 at 4:26 PM · Report
4
FUCK ALL Y'ALL

THE OPINIONS OF THIS BLOGGER REGARDING LOVE, ACTUALLY REFLECTS THE OPINIONS OF ANYBODY WITH HALF A BRAIN
Posted by Joneser on December 9, 2011 at 4:36 PM · Report
5
I MEAN REFLECT. WHATEVER. LOVE, ACTUALLY 4 LYFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Joneser on December 9, 2011 at 4:37 PM · Report
6
Do you people see what I'm dealing with?? FINALLY???
Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on December 9, 2011 at 4:39 PM · Report
7
I'VE NEVER SEEN LOVE ACTUALLY. IS IT ABOUT MONSTER TRUCKS?
Posted by Graham on December 9, 2011 at 4:53 PM · Report
8
I see and I forgive.

Don't you dislike Parks and Rec? Now that's offensive.

SELF FIRE!
Posted by TSW on December 9, 2011 at 4:55 PM · Report
9
So apparently a friend of mine from junior high and high school is a semi-successful comedian now. My vanity hopes that the time I tied him up with duct tape and left him to rot in hallway makes it into his act somehow.

Completely off topic. But I have nowhere else to share this revelation.
Posted by Fruit Cup on December 9, 2011 at 4:56 PM · Report
10
Fire right now. I feel sick with disillusionment. And disgust -- it's hard to distinguish what exactly is mixed in the dark mélange of emotion moiling in my (less than half) brain.

Wait... I was thinking of Jud Süß. What's Love Actually?
Posted by Ovidius on December 9, 2011 at 4:58 PM · Report
11
That trailer would have been more interesting if Snape killed everybody.
Posted by Fruit Cup on December 9, 2011 at 5:50 PM · Report
12
Ha! You fell for it, Steve. She's joking. She has to be joking. Please, please, please, please tell me she's joking.
Posted by Todd Mecklem on December 9, 2011 at 7:14 PM · Report
13
I....I feel sorry for Steve. There, I said it.
Posted by frankieb on December 9, 2011 at 7:31 PM · Report
14
I was kind of OK with the review until I realized it wasn't porno. Firing seems a little extreme though. Maybe a good talking-to? Or an intervention of some sort? Or maybe you should just both go get high, drunk, laid or some combination thereof and it will probably all be better on Monday.
Posted by Totalitariland on December 9, 2011 at 8:26 PM · Report
15
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I enjoyed Ginger Snaps. So I'm not sure I have any business commenting on people's taste in movies.
Posted by Fruit Cup on December 9, 2011 at 8:42 PM · Report
16
I'm only interested in harcore love stories.
Posted by Benjo The Unique on December 9, 2011 at 9:43 PM · Report
17
Watching Love Actually with a lady friend gets you laid. QED, Love Actually is a perfect film.
Posted by extramsg on December 9, 2011 at 10:28 PM · Report
18
@17, no one is proud of the hate-sex they have after viewing Love Actually.
Posted by Fruit Cup on December 9, 2011 at 11:32 PM · Report
19
Love Actually is a perfect film. That doesn't mean it's like the best movie ever, but for what it does/tries to do, it is perfect.
Posted by Broseph Goebbels on December 10, 2011 at 12:53 AM · Report
20
Broseph Goebbels GETS IT.
Posted by Joneser on December 10, 2011 at 9:25 AM · Report
21
@Fruit Cup: Do not apologize for enjoying Ginger Snaps. It is one of the better Canadian teenage girl werewolf films of our time.
.
Also, Love, Actually might be a secret shameful horrible guilty pleasure of mine. I am filled with disgrace and sorrow, as I know it's emotionally manipulative dreck, but like it anyway.
Posted by The Right Reverend Rocktimus Prime on December 10, 2011 at 9:29 AM · Report
22
I haven't seen Love Actually, but I have seen Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot, Hot to Trot and You've Got Mail, and I can tell you that not a single one of them was a perfect film.
Posted by Tommy on December 10, 2011 at 10:00 AM · Report
23
Love Actually is like a schmaltzy greeting card filled with puppies, hearts, and glitter. And truth be told, I watch it every Christmas.
Posted by Robert B. Fortney on December 10, 2011 at 10:28 AM · Report
24
Love Actually could be improved immeasurably by not having Hugh Grant in it (see also: all other films featuring Hugh Grant). Hence, it is not perfect at what it does.
Posted by Stu on December 10, 2011 at 10:56 AM · Report
25
I'm actually with Jonser on this one. This isn't a perfect film, but it's one I actually bought a DVD copy of and have watched quite often. Hugh Grant is way more tolerable here than in practically anything else he's in (I think it's the part he's playing) and several of the other story lines are well done too. Not to mention how everything gets tied together.

I CHALLENGE YOU WM STEVEN HUMPHREY! When was the last time you actually watched this movie? Do I sense a Worst Night Ever coming on?
Posted by Nat_a_nat on December 10, 2011 at 11:53 AM · Report
26
Shaun of the Dead is a perfect film.
Posted by PDXwahine on December 10, 2011 at 2:46 PM · Report
27
@Nat a nat:
"I'm actually with Jonser on this one. This isn't a perfect film..."

Actually you're NOT with Joneser, because she said it WAS a perfect film—which the majority of people polled agree that it is most definitely NOT.
Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on December 10, 2011 at 6:21 PM · Report
28
OH! And Broseph Goebbels and Joneser? Don't try to pull your revisionist history bullpoop on ME! She didn't say Love Actually was perfect "at what it was attempting to do," she just simply said it was "perfect." And if the end result of that movie WAS what they were trying to do? THEN THEY SHOULD BE IMPRISONED.
Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on December 10, 2011 at 6:32 PM · Report
29
Steve, being editor means you're supposed to read this shit before it goes to print. Then you can fire people without having to do a poll first.
Posted by PRWalters on December 12, 2011 at 9:20 AM · Report
30
Maybe Joneser meant Love Indubitably.
Posted by dmitrir on December 12, 2011 at 10:00 AM · Report

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