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Monday, December 12, 2011

Pioneer Place Money Saving Tip: Use Mercury as Toilet Paper!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Dec 12, 2011 at 10:14 AM

A big thanx and a tip o' the hat to loyal Mercury reader "Peace Huntress" (Sounds like a spinoff of Xena: Warrior Princess—and YES, I would watch it!) who made and sent in the following video. PH says she took the vid on Friday night as she was visiting the ladies room at Pioneer Place, alerting us that "the Portland Mercury was torn in the shape of toilet paper and placed on the toilet paper dispenser thing." Hmmm... Apparently someone doesn't appreciate our fair-minded Occupy coverage. Watch.

Now first of all, I'm pretty sure that Pioneer Place did not authorize that use of our paper, because a) they would've done a much nicer job with the typography, and b) would prefer it if their customers wiped their ass with the higher end Portland Monthly.

Secondly, while this is a great money saving idea, I would really encourage "supporters of the 99%" to NOT use the Mercury as toilet paper. I've tried it—especially after reading a certain Mercury review that erroneously claimed Love Actually is "a perfect film"—and the texture is too rough, and ink got all over my anus. (I just bleached it last week!)

Thirdly, the person who perpetrated this is wonderful. Thanks for reading and caring, toilet paper maker!

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