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Friday, December 16, 2011

News Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Fri, Dec 16, 2011 at 9:29 AM

Attention Kmart shoppers, the gods rest your weary souls. Unidentified benefactors are paying off strangers' layaway accounts all across the country, especially for poor folks looking to buy loud and blinky toys for their snot-factory children. It's a nice gesture, but not as nice as giving people a living wage or unshackling them from unreasonable debt or buying them slightly better crap from slightly better stores. Like Walmart.

Fox News viewers got to watch the Republican presidential wannabes say things about things again. Mostly those things were nasty things, and they were aimed at Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich. Blah blah. No one cares. Wake me when the FEMA camps open.

Congress was "busy," too. Another stopgap spending bill ought to keep the wheels of government spinning all greasily for another few months. And, speaking of grease, House Speaker John Boehner has laid out a condition for his agreement not to raise taxes on working Americans: Allow construction to begin on the 1,700-mile Keystone oil pipeline before environmental reviews are finished.

For the first time since probing the mortgage crisis, the Securities and Exchange Commission is pursuing in court top executives from government-owned mortgage outfits Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Next time, maybe they'll learn to "adequately disclose their firms’ exposure to risky mortgages." So there!

In the world of WikiLeaks! Founder Julian Assange was given permission by Britain's Supreme Court to appeal his extradition back to Sweden on sex charges, prolonging his stay for a few more weeks. And! Bradley Manning, the private first class accused of leaking sensitive diplomatic cables to WikiLeaks, made his first court appearance this morning amid heavy security as protesters and supporters gathered outside.

A Penn State assistant coach tells a courtroom that, in fact, he was pretty clear, when he spoke to senior school officials, that he had seen another coach raping a young boy several years ago. No, he still didn't tell police, too.

The worst part of the Fukushima disaster is over. Officials say the Japanese plant's reactors are "stable." Of course, thousands of residents remain barred from a 12-mile radius of creepy, irradiated wasteland stretching around the plant.

If any city was going to allow its Occupy camp to stick around, legally, for several more weeks, it'd be Eugene. And that's what the city council has done again, extending a permit until January 11. That ought to be a helluva New Year's party.

It almost makes too much sense. In a departure from temperance-fueled puritanism, the Oregon Liquor Control Commission might allow residents to—HOLY SHIT!—buy their beer and wine at the same store where they also buy their liquor.

Cheating firefighters? The city's fire bureau is looking into some shenanigans over promotions tests.

Dust to dust.

DO YOU LIKE TO LOOK AT "EROTIC" THINGS? HOW ABOUT "PRANKS"? HOW ABOUT BOTH? THEN, OH MAN, HAVE I GOT THE THING FOR YOU! SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL ATHLETES PASSIONATELY MAKING OUT WITH THEIR PARENTS!

 

Comments (14) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
GOOD MORNING, DENIS! HOW ARE YOU!?? I FIND YOUR CYNACISM ON THE KMART STORY TO BE MISPLACED. THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO MAKE THE LIVES OF PEOPLE BETTER (AND IN A MEANINGFUL, PERSONAL WAY FOR POOR CHILDREN). AND THEY'RE DOING IT ANONYMOUSLY AND WITHOUT ASKING FOR THANKS.

HERE'S THE CYNACISM YOU COULD HAVE USED: IT WILL BE OPTIONED INTO THE MOVIE "PAY IT FORWARD 2: ELETRIC GIFTALOO"
Posted by Graham on December 16, 2011 at 9:55 AM · Report
2
If I were a cynic I'd think that Graham was misspelling "cynicism" just to mess with our heads.

I never got to do anything like that in high school! Mom always said we had to keep it a super super secret.
Posted by Todd Mecklem on December 16, 2011 at 10:16 AM · Report
3
How the hell does payroll tax equate to oil pipeline?
Posted by Marq on December 16, 2011 at 10:21 AM · Report
4
Incesticide was very common in ancient civilizations. Evrybody was fucking their cousin. Then it evolved and had an unorthodox overturn when the Blood and Crips took over.
Posted by Leaky on December 16, 2011 at 10:49 AM · Report
5
The video is like an antichristian "thing" going on right?
Posted by Leaky on December 16, 2011 at 10:57 AM · Report
6
I generally found Hitchens to be pretty irritating and unbelievably arrogant, but damn it all if he wasn't smart as hell and thought-provoking.
Posted by ($8239f8h248cerfehjf23@&*@ebdjhb23f237OCDBO#BD*(# on December 16, 2011 at 11:06 AM · Report
7
The OLCC change is designed in response to the WA vote. To me it looks like they're changing the rules in order to dissuade a large entity from funding a campaign to, effectively, end the OLCC.

That said, I completely support the OLCC. They're great for Oregon on many of levels. We have an excellent selection of Oregon produced liquor in large part due to OLCC acting as distributor and insuring price equality.
Posted by Fruit Cup on December 16, 2011 at 11:43 AM · Report
8
Leaky fucking your cousin isn't incest. It's ALWAYS OK.
Posted by Ñ on December 16, 2011 at 3:25 PM · Report
9
Fuck the OLCC! Have you been to other states where they have liquor stores the size of fucking Wal-Mart? The prices up here are stupid high! The ammount of profit made off those prices are stupid low. Ask your neighborhood liquor store operator. They are getting fucked by the OLCC.
Posted by Punky on December 16, 2011 at 3:25 PM · Report
10
@9, I understand how it works. And I have a lot of sympathy for the situation. However, I think the benefits outweigh the negatives considering the alternative. Shutting down the OLCC without a viable distribution alternative would price-out micro-distilleries, start-ups and other actors that have a net-benefit to our local industry.

And regarding the price issue, I'm just not convinced that getting hyper-cheap macro-distilled spirits at Costco is a good thing.
Posted by Fruit Cup on December 16, 2011 at 3:31 PM · Report
11
Also consider Oregon's access to boutique liquors due to knowledgable liquor store staff. Absent OLCC, and with liquor located at Safeway, these liquor stores would die off in time. And so would the benefit of having long conversations about whiskey with people who know what they're talking about.

Posted by Fruit Cup on December 16, 2011 at 3:36 PM · Report
12
I support the OLCC too, and not just because my father is one of those people-you-talk-to at the liquor store counter. Of course a lot about Oregon's liquor laws need to be changed -- there's a lot of ridiculous nanny nonsense. But let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater (and hand a huge payoff to Costco in the process). The OLCC benefits the state, provides jobs, and sustains a large number of well-stocked liquor stores with a wide variety of goods and a knowledgeable staff that you aren't going to find at Safeway.
Posted by Ovidius on December 16, 2011 at 4:07 PM · Report
13
@alt-162: you obviously didn't knew about the Crips and Bloods taking over.
Posted by Leaky on December 16, 2011 at 6:26 PM · Report
14
hey, dude with the weird N thing, why dont you respond or leave a registered comment uh?
Posted by Leaky on December 16, 2011 at 9:57 PM · Report

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