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Friday, December 23, 2011

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Fri, Dec 23, 2011 at 9:29 AM

WHOOPSIE-DAISY! His ass still bright-red and sore from repeated lashings (like Rudolph!), House Speaker John Boehner finally cajoled enough right-wing Republicans into voting for a measly two-month extension of the payroll tax cut.

It's disturbing and revealing that the Tea Party was only slightly less recalcitrant in its dealings with the White House than the Taliban, which will not be signing off on a peace deal with the United States anytime soon, not that both sides didn't seriously try for one.

Ron Paul was reminded about some of the racist screeds
in his old political "newsletters" (newsletters? I miss the 1990s). Ron Paul then reminded the people at CNN he doesn't much like being reminded about some of the racist screeds in his old political "newsletters" by walking off the set mid-interview.

Maybe on the guest list for Kim Jong Il's funeral?
A Japanese celebrity magician named Princess Tenko! Not coming? Kim's oldest son, an inveterate gambler in exile on Macao! Also, no one in charge of South Korea, which apparently is being seen as an "unbearable" insult.

Car bomb attacks in Syria's capital have killed 40 and injured dozens more. Syria blames dissidents who have been protesting for regime change for months. The protesters, meanwhile, say maybe Syrian leadership orchestrated the whole thing to make them look bad.

After a conservative Minnesota state senator (and gay marriage foe) resigned because she cheated on her husband by boinking a senate staffer, the state's gay community sent her a formal apology for their role in degrading the sanctity of marriage by asking that the institution by justly applied to all Americans.

In Moscow, tens of thousands more protesters are planning to spend Jesus Christ's birthday out on the streets again, still pissed off about likely manipulated election results that kept Vladimir Putin's political party barely clinging to power in the Duma.

In a story about the potential legal backlash
faced by cities who booted their Occupy camps, the Washington Post lists Portland among the cities whose camps were "forcibly cleared."

No way this Oregonian headline wasn't intentional:
"Rainier man gets long stretch in prison for producing child pornography."

Good for Louis C.K.

And... OH MY SAKES ALIVE WHAT PERFECT TIMING JESUS JESUS JESUS HOLY POOP WOW OH WOW OH WOW OH WOW. I MEAN, LIKE, GAAHHD DAY-UM!

IN OTHER NEWS... I AM A SENTIMENTAL SAP. I WILL WATCH THIS MOVIE THIS YEAR, AGAIN, AND SOMETHING MIGHT END IRRITATING ONE (BUT ACTUALLY BOTH) OF MY EYES.


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