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Monday, December 26, 2011

Puppy / Mercury The Wisest, Most Right-est Thing I Wrote in 2011

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Dec 26, 2011 at 1:29 PM

Historically, now is the time when you look back over the past year, think about what you've accomplished, and realize that you will never say anything more true or "right" than what I wrote in my July 28th I Love Television™ column about "weenie dogs."

Weenie dogs are clinically insane. Are sharks insane? NO. When they take a bite out of a seal, surfer, or sex-crazed teenager, it's usually because they're starving to death. Conversely, the reason weenie dogs take a bite out of people's ankles is for one of the following reasons: (1) Weenie Dog God told them to. (2) The person's ankle reminds them of a Jew. (3) They believe their teeth are miniature diamond-encrusted robots that will teleport them to weenie dog heaven if constantly coated in human blood and cat feces. In short, WEENIE DOGS ARE BATSHIT CRAZY!!

Top that in 2012. You won't be able to. Read more of my wisest quotes of the year here.

 

Comments (4) RSS

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1
Weenie dogs were bred to hunt hairless burrowing animals. Now do you fear them sneaking into your sleeping bag ?
Posted by Rosy on December 26, 2011 at 3:29 PM · Report
2
Weenie dog is always intense.
Posted by Todd Mecklem on December 26, 2011 at 3:33 PM · Report
3
I still think you saying "Haw haw haw, fuck you, Spock!" in regards to Leonard Nemoy's poetry book is the bestest, truest and hilarious thing you've ever written.
Posted by Tom [______] . on December 27, 2011 at 2:28 PM · Report
4
On a sad note, my 3 tr old doxie has just died from lung cancer. I really miss him.
Posted by ujfoyt on December 28, 2011 at 9:53 AM · Report

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