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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: How'd I Miss That?

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Jan 4, 2012 at 10:29 AM

God dammit, Dan!
Sorry, I know I'm writing to the gay sex columnist instead of the poly sex columnist, but well, you're important and I feel like I've got to check something in your last column.

I'm just doing a little requisite wailing and gnashing of teeth at the corollary implicitly drawn that the young lady whose fuckbuddy wants to go mono is doing so out of a feeling of "romance" and not plain-old attachment and/or possessiveness. Left dignified is the writer's assertion that "he likes me enough to be monogamous," leaving untouched that classic suggestion that if you're not monogamous, it's because you don't care enough about your partner.

Anyway, thanks again a million for what you do, sorry that I only write snarky emails every so often when something slips by about how poly people are just a bunch of flaky sex fiends.

Grumpy Reader Into Poly Experience

My response after the jump...

···············

Hmm... that was a pretty big error on my part, GRIPE, considering that I'm in a monogamish relationship myself and I happen to be absolutely crazy about my husband—still, after 17 years together. I should've challenged CCC on that assertion, for sure. But I also need to challenge your assertion: feelings of attachment and/or possessiveness and romantic feelings are not mutually exclusive. A person in a healthy-enough-for-all-practical-purposes romantic relationship—even a person in a HEFAPP non-monogamous relationship—can experience feelings attachment, possessiveness, and even jealousy. I know that I do and have and expect I will again.

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