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Thursday, January 12, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Over To You, Gang

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Jan 12, 2012 at 10:29 AM

I hope I get an answer from you, either on your column or just via e-mail. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this.

I have been married for ten years, I love my husband, he is a good man and I don't want to leave him. We almost never have sex, maybe twice a month if I'm lucky. I would prefer everyday. I have only been with two people in my life, both men, and I always wished I had met a nice girl, but that never happened when I was single.

Here is my question, is this sex deprived bi-curious woman a cheating piece of shit if she discretely dates another woman? My hope is to meet a nice woman, maybe another sex-deprived bi-curious wife like me, and have a "friend's with benefits" relationship.

So, am I a cheating piece of shit? Nothing has happened yet. I don't feel like its cheating. I have no desire to cheat on my husband with a man. I just want to explore myself and explore these feelings for women. I want something he can't give me, Dan, but I don't want to leave him or feel endlessly resentful about how little sex I'm able to have any longer.

Bi-Curious And Sex-Starved

My response after the jump...

··················

As much as I'd like to bang out my 4,452,989 response to an unhappily sex-starved spouse trapped in mixed-libido marriage, by now everyone knows what I'm going to say to BCASS anyway (sing along with me!): "If you can negotiate a monogamish agreement with your husband, do that; if you can't do that for some reason, do what you need to do to stay married and stay sane; sometimes cheating is the least worst option; not all cheaters are CPOS," etc.

So I'm tossing this one out to SLLOTD readers: Got some advice/insight/comfort for BCASS? Please go easy on her, people, as we don't know all the particulars of her situation. We don't know whether she has kids or not, whether her husband is a reasonable person or a violent asswipe, or just how dependent she is on her husband. (Leaving because the sex sucks isn't an option for everybody.) So let's resist the urge to tear the lady new assholes, okay?

People who read the SLLOTD on the SLAP can click here to leave advice for BCASS.

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