An Excerpt from American Savage and a Message All Straight People Need to Hear
I love a good roller derby shakeup, and Saturday's season opener of the Rose City Rollers home season seven had 'em in spades. The Guns N Rollers who didn't win a single game last year beat the blue snot out of the Heartless Heathers with a final score of GNR 164, HH 56. I think the rockin' broads of GNR are in for a bang-up year—they look fantastic out there, with junior roller derby veteran Braidy Punch making her debut like a total fireplug and scoring oodles of points, then nabbing GNR's MVP to boot. While relative GNR newcomer Untamed Shrew was rip-tearing it up too. The Heartless Heathers, meanwhile, were having a bit of a rough patch. They've suffered a considerable loss of long-time skaters, with about a half dozen newbies making their debuts at the opener, which makes for a green squad, prone to penalties and verboten back blocks. I'm sure those gals are going to get their shiznet together, but it definitely looks like a rebuilding season for the ice queens of the Heathers.
The real humdinger of a bout was the battle between the two top-ranked teams, the 2011 season champions the Break Neck Betties and the High Rollers. This was anyone's game. After an awesome lineup reveal of returning BNB skaters Megahurtz (who's excellent—I'm looking forward to watching her skate all season) and all-star Cadillac, HR kicked out the first jam with returning star Sully Skullkicker putting four points on the scoreboard. Then it was a scoreboard dance, each team changing leads with HR squeaking out the most points by halftime: HR 78, BNB 74. Crowd fave Napoleon Blownapart pulled over half of those HR points out of her spandex pocket. I got a little distracted by some Girl Scout cookies right after halftime—mmm, Samoas. The Betties took the lead shortly after the break, only to have the High Rollers nab it back. Then with one minute left in the game the score was HR 136, BNB 126. With two more points in their fuel tank, the High Rollers took home the win with a final of HR 138, BNB 126. That, my friends, was a great game. The next big bout is the High Rollers vs. Guns N Rollers out at the Hanger on February 18.
Check out footage of the GNR vs. Heathers bout after the jump.
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