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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: We Found Our Unicorn—But She's Engaged!

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Jan 31, 2012 at 10:29 AM

We’re a happily married couple who, after a lot of thought and conversations, have decided that we want a threeway with another woman. Through Craigslist, we found a woman who is everything we’re looking for with just one problem: she’s engaged. Her fiance doesn’t know anything about what she’s doing: doesn’t know we exist, doesn’t know that she’s looking, and doesn’t even know she wants a threeway.

We’ve encouraged her to be open with her fiance and see if we could possibly do this without deceiving him, but she says that’s a non-starter. There are no extenuating circumstances; he’s doesn't have an unusually low libido or anything like that. For her, it’s a last chance to do something wild before she gets married, and we’re pretty sure she’s going to have a threeway whether it’s with us or with another couple. But we just don’t think it’s ethical to help her be a cheating POS (after all: we’re not devout Catholics like Callista Gingrich).

Are we making the right ethical call here? We’d really like to fuck this girl (and she’d really like to fuck us), but right now we’re leaning towards telling her that if she can’t do this without reaching some kind of understanding with her fiance, then she can’t do it with us.

We attached a photo in the hope that it will encourage a response. Thanks!

Penny And Marco

P.S. We’re huge fans of your column and your podcast. You’ve made our sex life better, our marriage stronger. So thanks.

My response—and, yes, the picture—after the jump.

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Ah, what a dilemma... and, my God, what a photo:

1327965481-penmarsavlove.jpg

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

Honestly, PAM, I'm torn.

If this woman made a monogamous commitment to her fiance—if she took pre-marital vows—then I kindamaybesortamaybe think you shouldn't fuck her. There's the whole being party to deceiving a man you don't know and will likely never meet, of course, and your role in the pain he'll doubtless feel if should discover her pre-marital betrayal. But what about you two? Do you guys want your first big sexual adventure together as a couple tainted your complicity in her betrayal?

But...

If a threeway is something she's determined to do before she marries this guy... and if you're buying her "last chance to do something wild" rationalization (you two are married, PAM, and you're doing something wild)... and if you're convinced that she's just gonna find another couple if you two back out... then I can easily craft a rationalization that allows you two to fuck this girl. It goes like this: She could do a lot worse than you guys, PAM. A couple who wrestled with the sketchy ethical dilemma posed by this situation/unicorn—even if they came down on the side of overlooking 'em/fucking her—is likelier to be careful about protection, both physical and emotional, than, say, a couple of skeezeballs who didn't give it a moment's thought. (Bonus rationalization: maybe having a safe & mind-blowing threeway with you two will convince your unicorn that she can't go through with this marriage if it means no more sexual adventures and you guys will inspire her to either level with her fiance or find herself one who wants marriage and sexual adventures too—you know, just like you guys. Or not.)

All that said, PAM, I'm going to come down on the side of not fucking this girl. Single, unattached, attractive, safe, and sane bi girls are difficult to come by/in—that's why they call them unicorns—but... and I don't wanna mindlessly reinforce subjective beauty ideals here... and looks aren't everything... and I'm sure you two are utterly and completely hideous to some... but... LOOK AT YOU TWO. You're fucking gorgeous, both of you, and I can't imagine that you'll have a hard time finding another, less compromised unicorn for your first threeway.

··················

A note to my thoughtful readers: When I wrote and asked PAM for their permission to post their photo in my response—which I always do before I post a photo—they wrote back:

Thanks for the reply, and thanks for the compliment! Yes, we’d love to be a SLLOTD, and by all means use the photo. And if you want to let the women of the East Coast—we live in NY and travel a lot—know that we’re looking (we’re on CL and Adult Friend Finder as ”pennyandmarco,” our email address is marcoandpenny@gmail.com), all the better. Unicorns are hard to find!—P&M

Are you a female reader who 1. thinks Penny and Marco are hot, 2. thinks it just wouldn't be right for Penny and Marco to fuck this engaged unicorn, and 3. thinks Penny and Marco are hot? You can help Penny and Marco do the right thing by volunteering to be their unicorn.

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