No, not that kind of triple prong. It's a big collaborative weekend that Lille has planned for next week with three of their favorite friends. Click over to read about it, as well as tonight's Mad Men fête at Banana Republic, more details on the temporary closure of Stand Up Comedy, and more.
Dear Internet friends,
It's been great. I think you're swell. However, I need a little space.
I'm going to be taking off from the Mercury for three months to work on a book about relationships. Whenever I look for relationship advice, wandering distraught and slightly drunk through Powell's Red Room on a Friday night, I'm reminded that most relationship books are horrible. I can't think of anyone I know who wants their romantic life to center around snagging a man and an engagement ring. What about a little help, please, for those of us who don't want to define success by two kids, a holy union, and a minivan?
So, I'll be spending the next three months interviewing smart sex and gender writers (and lots of other people, too) about how they make decisions in relationships and compiling their life lessons into a book that spells out rules for relationships that aren't based on religion, tradition, or "thou shalt not."
This means I'll be in Blogtown exile for three months. I'll still be doing a weekly sexual politics columns, though, and I'll still be on the internet all the time, every day. Try to be nice to my enthusiastic replacement, Alex Zielinski. If anyone wants to get really-short-notice-sort-of-goodbye drinks, I'd love to see you at Give a Shit Happy Hour tonight!
This explains why Erik kept repeating "We're not a team. We're a time bomb!" at our editorial meeting this morning.
Wipe that phony grin off of your chinless, bucktoothed, ugly face. Stop wasting time at staff meetings with little stories about your childhood. Trying to manufacture crazy excuses for your unprofessional, dishonest, selfish behavior doesn't fool anyone. You're an ugly jerk, inside and out, and nobody wants to work for you.
WHY IS SARAH MIRK SO MEAN TO ME??? (Sob.) Anyway, if anyone besides the super mean Sarah Mirk wants to submit a rant or confession, he/she can do it here. Be nice, guys! Bosses have feelings too. (And I'm "feeling" that Sarah Mirk should be FIRED!!)
I set the following iChat Trap™ for Ned... AND HE TOTALLY FELL FOR IT!! (My avatar is the monkey with glasses.)
I may be a terrible person, but Ned is terrible at choosing who should die.
Lifetime has picked up Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp, an all-new docuseries that will provide an exclusive, rare glimpse into Bristol Palin’s real life as a young, single mother forging her own way in the world while living under the constant spotlight as a member of one of America’s most high-profile families.
With never-before-granted access to Bristol’s real-life experiences growing into womanhood, Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp will reveal how she adjusts to her life in Alaska, where daily she faces the many pressures of raising her toddler son Tripp alone and maintains the close relationship she holds with her parents, former Alaska Governor and Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin and Todd, and siblings.
"Sarah Palin and Todd"? It's like Tony Orlando and Dawn! Also, blet.
Tough decision, 'cause Portland's popping with pizzazzy poster art this week. But this super-limited run of silkscreen prints by Jason Schwartz (who should really get himself a website) edged out a victory. Thanks for all the submissions last week—keep 'em coming. Just remember they should be for upcoming shows, events, or brouhahas.
Guys! Are you aware that there is a "dark genius" roaming the earth, infecting your computer with inert viruses, and perhaps hiding RIGHT BEHIND YOU AT THIS VERY INSTANT?? And did I mention this is the year 1988? WELL, IT IS! Prepare for your worst nightmare to become a local TV news reality, with this horrifyingly melodramatic word of warning from The Ten O'Clock News' David Boohwarewe (sp?).
The Occupy #F29 protest liveblog is continuing, but hot tipster Jake Hachquet sends in this photo of the a mounted patrol officer's helmet cam. I definitely didn't see any of these during Occupy 1.0. I think it's great for officers to record as many of their interactions as possible, to keep a record and to better sort out what actually happened during messy situations.
The Soul'd Out Music Festival operates a little differently from other fests, with shows spread out over the course of two weeks, allowing avid festival-goers the chance to catch nearly every show—as opposed to other fests which book shows simultaneously, forcing you to pick between competing shows. Check out the full schedule after the jump. Also, definitely click the jump to see the classic breakin' video for "Back in Stride" by Maze, who'll be performing with original singer Frankie Beverly. (Watch it! It's the best video of all time. Maze did that conveyor belt long before Jamijijwah! Or whatever they were called.)
Emily Rapp has written a heartbreaking piece for Slate about her profoundly-disabled, terminally-ill child:
This week my son turned blue, and for 30 terrifying seconds, stopped breathing. Called an "apnea seizure," this is one stage in the progression of Tay-Sachs, the genetic disease Ronan was born with and will die of, but not before he suffers from these and other kinds of seizures and is finally plunged into a completely vegetative state. Nearly two years old, he is already blind, paralyzed, and increasingly nonresponsive. I expect his death to happen this year, and this week's seizure only highlighted the fact that it could happen at any moment—while I'm at work, at the hair salon, at the grocery store. I love my son more than any person in the world and his life is of utmost value to me. I don't regret a single minute of this parenting journey, even though I wake up every morning with my heart breaking, feeling the impending dread of his imminent death. This is one set of absolute truths.
Here's another: If I had known Ronan had Tay-Sachs (I met with two genetic counselors and had every standard prenatal test available to me, including the one for Tay-Sachs, which did not detect my rare mutation, and therefore I waived the test at my CVS procedure), I would have found out what the disease meant for my then unborn child; I would have talked to parents who are raising (and burying) children with this disease, and then I would have had an abortion.
Go read the whole thing.
Update 4:20pm: The protest is done for the day! From Wells Fargo, the group marched to the Waterfront and then an organizer told everyone over the megaphone that it was time to wrap things up and head home. That's a surprise—we're used to having Occupy protests go on and on, until all the tents are destroyed. Anti-ALEC protests also took to the streets in New York City, Albany, Tuscon, Salt Lake City and apparently about 70 other cities.
Over and out, except for this photo of clowns pretending to be mounted patrol cops:
Update 3:48pm: There was a brief standoff between protester and riot police at SW 5th and Columbia, but the crowd seems to have now moved on.
Update 3:20pm: More hijinks! We just got word that three animal rights activists have chained themselves together with a motorcycle lock in the office of Paul Cosgrove, a corporate lawyer who serves as the state corporate co-chair of ALEC. Cosgrove's office is on the 34th floor of the Wells Fargo tower, where the protest has just arrived.
... and according to the Portland Police twitter feed, as of 3:30, the three locked-together protesters are now in custody.
Update 3pm: Hijinks! As the protest gathered around the building for Oregon's top healthcare contractor, Regence, a middle-aged man wearing a suit and red tie walked out of the building and declared he was Joseph Hill, the PR Director of Regence. The crowd booed, but the suit-wearing man announced that the healthcare group was resigning from ALEC because they're sick of funding anti-democratic activities. Cue round of applause and media swarm!
However, this is likely a prank (and a pretty good one). EDIT: Yep! Hoax! Pretty hilarious. Though Regence is not a member of ALEC, their parent company, Blue Cross Blue Shield, is involved in the organization.
Reporter Alex Z also has this dispatch from the McDonalds the protest swarmed a bit ago:
"Look up!" Shouts a woman on the megaphone, as a huge anti-ALEC poster drops from the parking garage above the fast food joint on SW 6th Avenue. The march slows to a halt and swarms around McDonald's facade. Food Not Bombs sets up shop out front, handing out "healthy alternatives" to the "carcinogen-filled, evil" wares inside. After the food is devoured, the protesters want more. The doors to the resturant are held open, ushering in a group of thirty or so ralliers. One prepared particiapnt serenades the small audience of Mickey D's staff and patrons with an anti-ALEC and McDonald's ballad, full of fuck you's. Beautiful.
March is a mighty busy month; this is especially true in the world of academia, as students prepare for thesis shows, and faculty gear up for culminant lectures (see: Helen Molesworth). Reed College is among these activated epicenters, which begins RAW: RUPTURE, their annual, five-day, student-run arts festival today.
This is the 23rd year of the festival, and the line-up includes artists from across the country, which may just warrant a trip to the grassy knolls of the Reed campus. Some exciting inclusions: Chris Kraus (an LA-based writer, whose books include I Love Dick, and Aliens and Anorexia), Rainy Lehrman(Brooklyn-based installation artist), and Curtis Mann(Chicago-based photographer/drawer/illustrator). The mix of student artists and organizations—more than 30—includes a traveling puppet parade, and a performance to resurrect the spirit of early filmmaker George Méliès.
At 3:30 pm tomorrow, City Council will determine the fate of Portland Playhouse. Since last spring, the company has been without a theater, thanks to a permitting snafu that forced Portland Playhouse out of their home at the former Mt. Sinai Baptist Church on NE Prescott. I don't always love Portland Playhouse's work—sometimes I do—but their trajectory over the past four years has been impressive, from out-of-town upstarts to a popular and well-regarded mainstay of the local scene. Part of their initial charm came from their venue: The Church was a comfy space with couches instead of theater seats, free beer, and a refreshingly unpretentious atmosphere.
But all of that changed last spring, when the company abruptly found themselves homeless.
Yet another couple of shakeups at the constantly evolving creative hub of 811 E Burnside, one for now, one for later. Firstly, IDOM, after an emotional departure from their second location on NW 23rd (blogged about with rarely seen levels of honesty in such a circumstance), is opening up the doors of their new studio/showroom space in the building (Suite 213) for an inaugural open house this weekend, Friday-Sunday (11-6 Fri/Sat, 12-5 Sun). Meanwhile, Stand Up Comedy is about to undergo an expansion and remodel of their space, due to be complete on March 21. The reconfiguration will "also have dedicated studio space, some of which is already spoken for. It will remain confused," remarks co-owner Diana Kim. Stay tuned here and here for photos and more details as they develop.
UPDATE: More from SUC's Diana Kim.
The physical shop will be closed beginning March 8, with a soft re-open on March 21. We'll do a formal party/event/happening, but not until April - we want to let the new thing settle in on itself a bit first, plus the folks we're hoping to have perform aren't in the country until then. The interiors will be done by me, Scott Ponik, and Flint Jamison.
During the brick and mortar closure, the website/phone orders will be going full force. The most up-to-date and instant info on reductions, specials, etc. will be posted to our Twitter (@shopstandingup) regularly.
10. "Gettin' Jiggy wit It," Big Willie Style, Columbia, 1997
Last Saturday OBT began their first show of 2012 with the iconic Giselle. Set in the Rhineland in the Middle Ages, the dancers, garbed as peasants, jeté and brise across the scene like balls whizzing inside a pinball machine, setting off applause at regular intervals. Giselle is an insanely challenging performance, with, as OBT insists, “the most technically demanding choreography in the ballet canon.” It’s one of those pieces that’s incredible to see, as a feat of the human body—and, like Swan Lake, it’s a staple of many ballet companies.
In short, the story follows peasant girl Giselle (performed by three different OBT dancers throughout the run), who falls in love with a duke, then dies of a broken heart. She returns as a spirit, who has teamed up with a group of similarly jilted ballerinas (called the Wilis), who attempt to dance the duke to death (yup, that old routine). The production on the whole is plump with Romantic emotions, which verge on camp—but the difficulty of the dance makes you take it seriously. There's also the sets, which are intricate and lavish, shipped all the way from the fanciful Florence, Italy, as were the costumes.
If there’s any complaints about staid tradition at OBT, the company released their 2012/2013 program recently, and it has a few fun surprises: namely, a show choreographed to a score by the Fleet Foxes, and a collaboration with the Portland Art Museum that involves a certain TBA Pacific Northwest artist.
The last round of shows for Giselle is this weekend, with the pay-your-age program as an option (as well as cheap tickets if you have an Oregon Trail Card, as per the Arts-for-All program, with the final performance on Saturday, March 3.
Sad news: Davy Jones of the Monkees has passed away at age 66. He died of a heart attack this morning in Florida. Davy Jones was the sole British member of the Monkees, the band that was formed to star in a '60s NBC TV series and ended up putting out several huge hit records, including "Daydream Believer," which Jones sang. In fact, another young British singer named David Jones was motivated to change his last name to Bowie so that he wouldn't be confused with the famous Monkee.
As someone who was raised in the era of Monkees reruns on MTV and Nickelodeon, and as someone who subsequently became a big fan of the band's music, this comes very sad news. The Monkees toured last year, and I got to see them live for the first time; the show was, sadly, a big disappointment to me, feeling more like a Vegas revue than a concert. However, for a band that was labeled the "Pre-Fab Four," perhaps the slickness and hamminess was appropriate. Still, the end of that reunion tour was canceled prematurely, with acrimony among the remaining members of the Monkees.
Jones was more of an actor than a musician, although he did end up writing some material for the band. Perhaps his best song is "You and I," a song he co-wrote with Bill Chadwick and which appeared on the Monkees' 1969 album Instant Replay. (Check it out here; Neil Young played guitar on it.) However, Jones will likely be best remembered for "Daydream Believer," a song written by John Stewart which hit number 1 in 1967.
Rest in peace, Davy.
After warning that they'd "take all appropriate action" to keep a lid on today's Occupy Portland-sparked Shut Down the Corporations protests—aka F29—the cops this morning sent out a pair of news releases that came close to sounding like a justification an even more aggressive crackdown.
According to cops, groups of self-proclaimed "anticapitalists" smashed windows at the US Bank branch at SE Hawthorne and Cesar Chavez, did the same at a Key Bank over at Cesar Chavez and NE Broadway and also busted up a nearby Starbucks. (The cops included a pair of emails from the groups, which I've pasted in below the jump; they're funny.)
Meanwhile, later this morning Mayor Sam Adams issued a statement that tried to settle things down. Adams put some distance between the broken windows and F29's organizers.
My office has had several constructive conversations with the organizers. In all of our communications to date, event organizers have reiterated their intent to facilitate a non-violent event. Though people claiming to be affiliated with F29 committed multiple acts of vandalism this morning, it is our hope that today’s rally and march will be a non-violent event.
And as he made one last plea for a march route, he also promised a "peaceful, effective, and orderly event where everyone is safe"—including, presumably, protesters who've increasingly been treated to rougher arrests at recent events. But Adams also telegraphed that he realizes his route request is likely futile and said he'd made an additional request of organizers: Don't crowd the cops when they're arresting people.
Provide clear, non threatening, and spacious access for officers to peacefully arrest those committing acts of peaceful civil disobedience. We understand some people may want to be arrested to underscore their free speech message; Police are better able to facilitate peaceful civil disobedience arrests if the surrounding crowd allows for clear access. This is a matter of officer safety.
How will things go? The F29 rally starts at 11:30, and the march starts at 1. Already, the bike swarm is out on the streets, and a banner has gone up across I-5. Hit Blogtown for updates, and let us know if you see something.
The above illustration by Raymond Perry is from an article in the March 9, 1913 Sunday Magazine section of the Salt Lake Tribune (again) about multistory, Diesel-powered, mosquitoform vehicles—"Mechasquitoes", if you will—proposed by Dr. Gustav Luchy for mining resources in hostile climates, patrolling desert and tropical colonies, and as engines of war. (Via.)
This is the greatest thing I have ever seen. And that INCLUDES Kenneth Branagh's giant metal spider machine in Wild Wild West.
Hey that reminds me, one of my boss' 653 bewildering "Blogtown rules"—it's a whole Excel document, I don't even know—is that you can't write the words "wild," "wild," or "west" without embedding the below video. So I will do that now I guess so that I don't get fired.
party in the city where the heat is on
all night on the beach 'til the break of dawn
My girlfriend and I are on a break for six months. We're allowed to do whatever we want with whomever we want. Last week I engaged in oral sex with a friend of mine. My girlfriend is visiting me next week and we plan on taking a break from our break. We may possibly have sex: oral, vaginal, or both. When we were dating full time we both got tested and did not use any form of protection besides birth control. We were both STI-free and monogamous. I feel inclined to tell her about my oral sex encounter just so I disclose any possible risks to her. Should I not tell her about my oral sex encounter and just have fun with her? I don't want to hurt her (by telling her) but we did agree that we could see other people during our break. If my GF and I do get intimate, I plan on asking her if we need to used protection, i.e. if she's been with anyone in the interim that would put me at risk. If she has, I plan on using a condom. Should I tell her about my encounter or is it not enough of a risk to mention it?
Oral Sex On Break
My response after the jump...
Exciting news for those of us who will never be able to actually see the show on Broadway: Trey Parker and Matt Stone's The Book of Mormon is one of the shows in Broadway Across America's 2012/2013 season. (I am less excited about other offerings, such as Flashdance and Stephen Spielberg's Battle Pony: The Musical.)
This is to all the doubters and deniers out there, the ones who say that heaven on Broadway does not exist, that it’s only some myth our ancestors dreamed up. I am here to report that a newborn, old-fashioned, pleasure-giving musical has arrived at the Eugene O’Neill Theater, the kind our grandparents told us left them walking on air if not on water. So hie thee hence, nonbelievers (and believers too), to “The Book of Mormon,” and feast upon its sweetness.
A feast! I like feasts. That's in a little under a year—Jan 1-6.
Did you see Saturday Night Live last weekend? Wasn't it funny? Wasn't musical guest Sleigh Bells awful? (Seriously, kids. That ain't music! THAT'S NOISE.) Anyway, if you missed that episode, at least you'll be on an even keel with the rest of us who didn't see the following Maya Rudolph bit where she plays Oprah Winfrey on Weekend Update. Because it was cut after the dress rehearsal! From the looks of things, those guys fuck around too much at dress rehearsal, and if I were in charge I'd put a stop to that. I also would have put this sketch back in and cut Sleigh Bell's second number, because as mentioned earlier, THEY STINK. I should really be in charge of Saturday Night Live.
Day before yesterday I Googled "santorum" and #1 search result was the link to www.spreadingsantorum.com and the not-so-new-anymore definition of santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." (Only "sometimes" the byproduct because, if you're doing it right, there's no santorum!) But last night when I Googled "santorum"—after getting an alert from a reader—the link to www.spreadingsantorum.com and the frothy-mix definition did not show up as the #1 Google search result. In fact, the landing page for the site did not appear anywhere in the search results. (But the blog that the site links to did.)
Has www.spreadingsantorum.com been disappeared?
This, of course, is what Rick Santorum asked Google to do months ago. Google told Santorum they couldn't, they told Santorum they wouldn't, because www.spreadingsantorum.com was the legit #1 search result when you Googled his last name. It wasn't a Google bomb, we weren't gaming Google's algoribbons or whatever. We were legit.
But as of last night, we're gone. I'm not too sad about it—hey, we had a good run!—but I am a little mystified. Why now? Was it intentional? Did Google cave to the pressure? Or was this the result of Google tweaking their searchbrainz? Whatever the reason, you can file this one under "careful what you wish for, Rick." Because the new #1 return when you Google "santorum" isn't Rick Santorum's official website, or his wiki page, or news about Rick Santorum's campaign, or Elizabeth Santorum's twitter feed. It's the Urban Dictionary definition for Santorum. And guess what? Their definition is way grosser than the official one:
The sometimes frothy, usually slimy, amalgam of lubricant, stray fecal matter, and ejaculate that leaks out of the receiving partner's anus after a session of anal intercourse.
Um... that grosses me out.
They can remove Spreading Santorum from the search results—or it can fade away, thanks to algoribbon tweaks—and they can remove Urban Dictionary's definition too. But the damage is already done. No one has to Google "santorum" when they see a headline like "Santorum comes from behind in Alabama three-way." Everyone gets the joke without anyone having to look it up. The new definition is out there. Mission accomplished. Rick Santorum is this century's Vidkun Quisling. (We're still the #1 result when you search "santorum" at Bing.com.)
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