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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Feb 1, 2012 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I can't play my music (They say my music's too loud)—I kept talkin' about it (I got the big run around). LET'S GO TO PRESS.

WORST NEWS EVER: Don Cornelius, the founder and host of the best dance show ever Soul Train, was found shot dead in his Los Angeles home, a victim of apparent suicide. Again, WORST NEWS EVER!

Mittens Romney easily takes Florida, and now moves westward with an eye on President Obama. OOOOOH! We're SOOOOO scared!

Mittens tells CNN that he's "not concerned about the very poor." We hold this truth to be self-evident.

Meanwhile Newt Swingrich vows to continue his fight to the convention, the moon, AND BEYOND!

Swingrich's security team has a novel way of dealing with Ron Paul supporters—stamping on their feet!

A massive snowstorm in Japan dumps 10 feet of snow, killing 52, injuring 600, and crushing a steel bridge.

News that no one (especially women) want to hear: Pfizer recalls 1 million birth control packets after discovering they may contain an inadequate dose. PANIC!!!

The drummer for Journey is arrested in Oregon! This may be the best Oregon celeb yet, easily bypassing that Baldwin who lives in Lake Oswego.

Locally, Oregon Attorney General John Kroger is signing on to a proposed settlement that would monetarily punish banks who committed wrongful foreclosures. OCCUPY OUT OF COURT SETTLEMENTS!

As Sarah noted earlier, democrat Suzanne Bonamici won last night's special election to replace David Wu. (Hope you brought your tiger suit, Suzanne!)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: AHHH!! What's that glowing orb in the sky?? Get used to a full week of it, with cold mornings and highs in the low 50s.

And finally, I'm super bummed out about the death of Don Cornelius—who did more to introduce me to black culture than anyone else. As a tribute, here's a short video demonstrating exactly why Soul Train was "the hippest trip in America."

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