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Monday, February 6, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Feb 6, 2012 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! And I thought I was mistaken, and I thought I heard you speak. Tell me how do I feel? Tell me now, how should I feel? LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The U.S. embassy in Syria yanks everybody out, citing increased violence and hostility fostered by the repression of the nearly year-long revolt against the government.

SPOILER ALERT! The Giants won the Superbowl—like I give a rat's ass. What I really cared about was the awesome Madonna halftime show, which seemed specifically designed for people like me, and... HEY!! Why is M.I.A. giving me the bird?? Fuck YOU, M.I.A.!!

As Nathan noted in GMN yesterday, Mittens Romney took the Nevada primary—next up are caucuses in Minnesota, Colorado, and Missouri (also known as the "Show Me a Better Candidate" state).

GOP loser (who doesn't know it) Newt Swingrich attacks Obama for his position on birth control, calling it an "outrageous assault on religion." As we know, Newt is a "Swingaterian"—a religion based on fucking around on your wife.

You know that your iPhone and iPad were made under sweatshop conditions—now the major media is getting the idea as well.

A scrutinized dad in Puyallup, Washington sends an email saying, "I'm sorry. Goodbye," and then blows up his house, killing himself and two sons. UGGGGHNNNHHH!!!

The right-winger who killed 77 in the Norway camp massacre says in court that he deserves "a medal of honor" for his actions. KAAAA-RAAAAA-ZYYYY!

Hot liveblog action on Blogtown tonight as the Blazers take on the Oklahoma City Thunder! Ezra will be delivering the commentary, focusing almost exclusively on the Thunder's mascot: a bison that plays the drums. BE THERE!!!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Other than a few creeping clouds, expect sunny skies and temps in the low 50s all the way to the weekend!

And finally, forget Madonna and forget M.I.A.'s middle-finger (Fuck YOU, by the way, M.I.A.!!), here's the real star of the halftime show: Crazy windmill leg backup dancer guy! WTF???

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