So begins one of Scott Poole's poems from his new poetry collection Sliding Glass Door, which he read from at last night's Planned Parenthood storytelling benefit "It's Not Me, It's You." I bought the book for my mother as a thank-you present for not actually attending the event, because his poems are hilarious and poignant and I think she would like them, and also because I am very grateful she didn't show up to hear any of the mom-unfriendly stories I told during my lightening-round face-off with Sarah Mirk. Sarah won our portion of events, unsurprisingly (she has some of the worst dating stories ever, and in fact I think she should share some of them in the comments... Sarah?), taking home a copy of fellow storyteller Sarah Wexler's Awful First Dates as her victory spoils. And in a stroke of divine, hilarious coincidence, the story Wexler read was about going on a date with the author of a cookbook called How to Get Laid—attentive readers will recognize that as a thinly veiled reference to the Cook to Bang guy, whom I got into an email fight with a couple years ago. I still can't believe she actually went on a date with the dude who invented "Get Stuffed and Bust-a-Nut Squash." Amazing.
Thanks to everybody who turned up last night, and to hosts Cort and Fatboy for being their typical hilarious selves, boner jokes and all. It was a great crowd and doubtless raised some serious cash for Planned Parenthood Advocates of Oregon. And hey, if you missed it? You can still give 'em some money right here.