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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! My lip gloss is cool, my lip gloss be poppin', I'm standing at my locker, and all the boys keep stoppin'. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The payroll tax cut looks like it will be extended once again, after a tentative deal is reached between Democrats and the JOB. (Wait... I meant GOP. The GOP hates J-O-Bs.)

A fire in an overcrowded prison in Honduras kills well over 300. Here's what one person who escaped the horrifying scene had to say.

Syrian President al-Assad says he has drafted a referendum for reform. Someone needs to tell him that "reform" doesn't necessarily include bombing the shit out of people.

Iran gloats as they load their first homemade fuel rods into their nuclear reactors, and we're all like, "Oooooh! We're soooo scared!"

A Valentine balloon is being blamed for knocking out power to over 15,000 California residents. CAN LOVE BE ANY WORSE??

Rihanna-beater Chris Brown tells his haters "Fuck You!" on Twitter—and then tries to delete the evidence with only moderate success. Don't just sit there, Chris! Beat the shit out of that Twitter machine!

In sports, the Wizards beat the Blazers 124-109—but at least we got Bobby Roberts' hilarious Live Blog Action out of it.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: OMG, a dry day! Get out there and enjoy it, because there is nothing but showers in our future.

And finally, the best commercial for Reese's Pieces you will never see on TV.

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