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Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Greatest Thing the Mercury Has Ever Published

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Feb 16, 2012 at 2:44 PM

Okay, so I realize the bar is set pretty low. HOWEVER! I am seriously considering telling everyone on my staff to stop trying to attain "greatness" because it's already been achieved in this week's film review of This Means War written by Alison Hallett. Behold, a clip:

The role of Reese Witherspoon is played by a blonde wig and a set of chattering wind-up teeth. The role of Chris Pine is played by an anatomically correct Ken doll (batkatcreations.com/maledolls.html). The role of Tom Hardy is played by a corporeal manifestation of the combined masturbatory fantasies of closeted British rugby fans and middle-aged American women who secretly worry they've never had a really good orgasm. The role of Chelsea Handler is played by the sound of the Emergency Broadcast System.

Please read the rest. As for anyone else in the world who was hoping to write the "best thing ever"? Please pack it up. Your new career hovering over a Burger King french fry basket awaits.

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