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Thursday, February 23, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Infantile-ism

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Feb 23, 2012 at 10:29 AM

I need serious help. Now, my issue doesn't include serious intense sexual problems or kinky issues; but, I need someone who knows better then me to help me not fuck up and also I needed to get this off my chest since I'm 2 sleeping pills in and still awake.

I am currently in a Long distance and long term relationship with the love of my life. We have a great relationship overall, with the few fights and problems we have stemming from issues associated with my almost pathological need for adoration and attention vs. his independence and easy going 'whatever' personality. He is not a jealous person for the most part, doesn't really ever get angry at me, and is overall pretty happy go lucky.

We did however, have a few problems when we first started dating with people telling me not so great stories about his relationship history in the past, and a few jealous (or vindictive) ex flings who would go out of their way to fuck us up. That's long past now, but I still sometimes think about it and feel insecure.

I also have a best friend. Said friend lives across the country from me (we're in college) and we went to highschool together. We talk a lot and I can honestly say I am probably one of the few girls ever to have a 100% platonic relationship with someone of the opposite sex. However, we do have some history where I like him, we hooked up, he was an asshole blah blah blah highschool so completely irrelevant. My boyfriend knows the history, and doesn't have a problem with my friend.

So the quandary lies....I am going to visit my best friend this march and my boyfriend knows (obvs) but hasn't really said anything. In a kind of mean way, I want him to feel a little insecure about this trip because that's how I've had to feel and it just doesn't seem fair (since he did use to be a slut), so I could easily act slightly aloof and accomplish that. However, I don't want to actually fuck it up, my boyfriend is the love of my life and if he for some reason really thought I had something with the best friend I would feel like an idiot. Also, out of respect should I ask if he's comfortable with me going, or would that just make it seem sketchy?

I know this is probably a stupid question but I reallllly need someone's advice; plus you have a whole section on infantilism, so I think this will probably be pretty easy.

Because Ibuprofen And Tylenol Cant Help

My response after the jump...

·······················

I can sign off on infantalism—no interest in diapering or being diapered, thanks, but I will defend to the death* the right of consenting adults to diaper and be diapered by other consenting adults—but I do have issues with infantile.

You say that you love this guy, BIATCH, and that you don't want to fuck this relationship up. Great. Then don't play games. Don't act like a manipulative twit. Don't manufacture drama.

What should you do? Use your words, BIATCH, just like they taught you in preschool. Tell your boyfriend that if the situation was reversed—if he were going home to see an opposite-sex best friend with whom he had a history—you'd be having very specific feelings about that. Because he's the love of your life. Or at least you suspect he might be. So there's a lot at stake here for you. And some part of your insecure, jealous brain is weirded out by the fact that he isn't having a feeling—a jealous and insecure feeling—about the fact that you're going home and hanging out with an opposite-sex best friend with whom you have a history. And that same jealous and insecure part of your brain is telling you that maybe he doesn't feel as strongly about you as you do about him because otherwise he'd be having a feeling.

Maybe he'll tell you that he is feeling a little insecure and jealous but that he was tamping those feelings down because he didn't want you to think he was insecure, jealous, and controlling. Or maybe he'll tell you that he trusts you so completely that he just doesn't worry about shit like this. Either way, he'll offer you some reassurance about his feelings for you—without you having to crank up some bullshit, Gossip-Girlesque drama.

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