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Friday, February 24, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: How Many Is Too Many?

Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Feb 24, 2012 at 10:29 AM

I'm a 23-year-old male with a 24-year-old male. Not typically into serious relationships, too many emotions make my head explode, but this one works and the sex is great. It's been less than year and the question of how many sex partners we've had has already come up. I can count mine with two hands. He can't come up with a number. I understand that with the gays it's different (especially with things like CL, and Grindr), but it still makes me nauseous to think he's been with so many guys he can't count them. We both have gotten tested and we're both disease-free. Admittedly, I have my insecurities, but I am mostly grossed out by thinking about it. Sometimes I don't even want to kiss him, how can I get over this?

Conflicted And Nauseous

My response after the jump...


If it grosses you out to think about it, try not to think about it.

If you can't help but think about it, CAN, try to think about it differently: your boyfriend has been with a lot of guys. He knows from men. It sounds like he can have his pick. And he picked you! You can either will yourself to accept the freakin' compliment already or, if you just can't stop slut-shaming your boyfriend, you can do him the favor of breaking up with him.

If you break up with your boyfriend, CAN, you'll be free to find one of those exceedingly rare 20-something gay virgins. Now twenty-something gay virgins aren't unheard of (or unheard from—I get emails), CAN, but your task won't be as simple as finding yourself a gay virgin. You're going to have to find a gay virgin who you like well enough to risk experiencing "too many emotions" and with whom you have great sex. Basically you're going to have to find the 20-something virgin version of your boyfriend.

And you know what, CAN? You might never find that guy. So best to err on the side of getting over your slut-shaming bullshit.


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