Ready to chitty-chat about The Walking Dead? And no, I'm NOT talking about the Oscars red carpet!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA! Because... because... they look like they're dead... and... and... HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!! Okay, my thoughts are after the jump.

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Okay, here's what I'm thinking...

1) None of you watched this did you? Because you were getting the shit bored into your pants by Billy Crystal and the WORST OSCARS EVER. Whatever, watch it tonight, and come back and chat about it tomorrow.

2) The show opens with Rick, Shane and Jersey Boy on the run from zombies! Man... this show really knows how to start an episode. Too bad they don't know how to MOVE... OFF... THAT... FARM!

3) Rick and Shane are planning on dropping off Jersey Boy far away from the farm to give him a fighting chance, but first Rick gives Shane a "come to Jesus" talk about how he knows what happened with Otis, and how Shane fucked the pelvic floor out of his wife. Rick's "alpha dog" status renewed, they find an old public works facility which doesn't look safe at all. Perfect place to drop Jersey Boy!

4) Meanwhile back at Old McBoring's Farm, the gals are nag, nag, nagging the shit out of each other in regards to Farmer Vet's drippy depressed kid who wants to kill herself. Lori thinks everything is puppy dogs and twizzle sticks, while Blondie McGunnerson thinks the gal should "make her own choice" about committing suicide and.... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. OMG! Why don't you all kill each other?!

5) Jersey Boy reveals that he went to high school with Maggie (LIAR!!!!) kind of making Rick's plan a useless pile of poop. Surprise! Shane wants to kill him. Surprise! Rick wants to save him! Surprise! A throng of zombies interrupt another perfectly serviceable fist fight.

6) Farmer Vet's hottie daughter tries to talk depressed daughter out of suicide, and when that doesn't work, leaves her in the capable hands of mentally insane Blondie McGunnerson. And guess what? Depressed kid tries to kill herself, inspiring Lori and McGunnerson to proclaim, "See??? She wants to LIVE!" (????) I think these two flunked 8th grade psychology.

7) The zombies chase Shane into a bus (because he's too stupid to realize he should run through the gate and to the CAR), and Rick considers saving Jersey Boy and leaving Shane behind. UNFORTUNATELY, after seeing two dead cops, Rick has a crisis of conscience which inspires him to do what everyone should have done in the first place: RUN FOR THE FUCKING CAR, STUPID!! They rescue Shane, and Rick's all like, "Apparently my previous 'come to Jesus' talk didn't make you come to Jesus. SO COME TO JESUS ALREADY!!"

8) Actually, if you minus all the stupid farm stuff, I liked this episode. Tons of hot zombie action, skull stabbings, and squishing zombie heads underneath car wheels. Next week watch for Shane and McGunnerson to become Rick and Lori's anti-Macbeth and Lady Macbeth—and as god is my witness, Jersey Boy is A GODDAMN LIAR. And Billy Crystal is the worst zombie ever.